He must have sensed my thoughts drifting because he asks, “What are you thinking?”
Absentmindedly, I cut off a piece of bread. “Last night…”
His expression darkens with the bread hanging over his lips. “Zoya, you were terrified.”
“I’ve never seen anything like that. The way you killed without hesitation...it kept playing in my mind.”
“And you think the best thing to do is to continue thinking about it? I really shouldn’t have let you see any of that from the beginning. We should have just gone home after the beach. None of this would have happened.”
“No. No. No. No. No. Don’t say that, Alexei. I decided to be there, okay? This is not your fault. It’s not anybody’s fault. It’s just those things don’t leave your head that easily. And seeing you do those things, I just felt a little scared.”
“Yes,Vedma. I know some of the things that I do should scare you. In fact, if you weren’t scared, I would think you had a secret life. But I will do anything necessary. Anything. I would soak my hands in blood just to see that you are not hurt at all. Whatever it takes.” He cups my face. “I will always keep you safe. Okay? So dust away those thoughts from your head and think of other things. Like your college.”
My eyes immediately light up. “Wait, Alexei. I need to gather myself. What? I just can’t wrap my head around it. You’re saying I’m actually going back to college?”
He smiles, dropping his hands from my face. “Of course,Vedma. A promise is a promise. You’ll be going back to school in about a week. I’ve gotten everything prepared for you including security. I want to make you happy, and giving you this is a small joy. I know it has been a dream of yours, and I will always make sure I push you towards your goal. So please, think of college life instead of what happened in the alleyway. I still want to be the best husband to you and maybe the best father to our future kids,” he says, putting his hands on my stomach.
Immediately, I freeze, and my face drops.
He looks at me worriedly. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
“No. The way your face dropped… is there something wrong? Are you dissatisfied with me? Do you not want kids with me?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s not that. It’s just I don’t think I’m ready.”
He smiles, removing his hand from my stomach and then laying it on his side, pushing himself up. “I understand what you feel and how this is affecting you. But that needs to happen. It’s the one thing I would not compromise on. Understand?”
I nod my head.
There are a lot of things Alexei will give me without a second thought, but there are also things that he would want from me without second thoughts. One of them is this. My life, my reputation, everything is dependent on me having his child. But I’m not ready.
And I don’t think I ever will be.
Chapter 28
Alexei
The silence in the conference room is deafening. The only thing audible apart from steady breathing is the sound of my fingers drumming on the table. “Say that again. And say it slowly this time.” My voice comes out controlled.
Bohdan clears his throat. “Dato attacked the Russian ports used for Poland shipments.”
“And?” I urge him to continue.
He responds, “He’s claiming the territory. Setting up checkpoints, posting his own men. He’s saying this part of the port is his and we should forget about it.”
I grit my teeth in anger, then slam my hand on the table a bit harshly. “How many men did we lose?” I ask.
“Three,” Bohdan says. “Three men executed in front of the workers as a message.”
I grip the edge of the table. The bandages on my shoulder pull tight, making pain shoot up the wound, but I ignore it. I am angry. What gave this fucker the audacity?
I stand. The chair scrapes back, almost falling from the force. “He negotiates for port access, and I give him. And he responds by taking my entire operation when I’m not around? In fact, what kind of incompetent fucks do I have around me?”
Bohdan sounds confused. “Sir…”
“How can he kill three of my men under your nose?” I slam my good hand on the table. Everybody in the conference room flinches.