It’s a sense of belonging I’ve never felt before.
I can’t remember a time before Honey and Noah moved in that I ever sat at this table for dinner like a family. Can’t remember a time I ever had someone like May cook me warm meals. Can’t remember before them when I wanted to get involved in Christmas traditions and festivities given we never bothered when I was growing up. My dad put more effort into making sure all his workers got gifts thanhe did with me. And when the holidays usually encouraged drinking in just about everyone, having an abusive alcoholic for a father had me dreading the period. Had me praying he’d drink enough to pass out before he could take his anger out on me.
But this time?
There’s no anger. Just love.
So much fucking love for this family filling my chest.
And it’s everything I didn’t realise I wanted.Needed.
I clutch the pyjamas tightly, too much emotion clogging my throat, clouding my eyes, even to be able to say thank you yet.
Oh, fuck, I think I’m going to cry.
I don’t think I’ve cried since I was a kid. Since I learnt crying wasn’t going to stop my dad from hurting me.
My gaze stays trained on the gift as I try to compose myself. I hear the legs of Noah’s chair scrape, the soft pad of his little feet across the wooden floor, and then his hand is on my arm.
‘It’s okay, Sawyer. Momma always says that cowboys cry too.’
I turn to him, and he blinks those big blue eyes at me. It hits me how strong this little boy is, how strong he makes me feel. How much I … how much Ilovehim. And his mom.
Though, I’m not sure I ever stopped loving her in the first place. Not when it’s come back to me so quickly.
‘Thanks, buddy.’ I let out a breathy laugh, quickly wiping the back of my hand over my eyes to get rid of any tears. I give his hair a ruffle. My head tips up then, to take in the two amazing women also at the table. ‘All of you.’
Without thought, I reach my hand across the table and take Honey’s, squeezing it. The moment is quiet and tender as our eyes lock, as I try to convey how fucking grateful I am that she’s back in my life, but it’s not enough. I need to hug her, kiss her—
‘Let’s go put them on!’ Noah tugs at my arm, interrupting.
‘I’ll help you, Noah,’ May suggests, standing and giving me a knowing wink.
Both Honey and I stand too as May guides Noah out of the room and as they’re gone I march over to Honey and slide my arms around her waist, pulling her into me wilfully. Having her sweet body pressed against my chest has every one of my muscles relaxing. My heart calms, knowing it’s back where it belongs.
‘Thank you,’ I whisper against her parting, inhaling her warm, vanilla scent. I used to think she smelled of a perfect storybook home, and now I’m wondering if I wasn’t so wrong all along. ‘You don’t understand what this means to me.’
‘But I do,’ Honey responds, nuzzling her face into my chest further, while her fingers toy with the back of my hair softly, soothingly.
Because she understands me. She always has.
I’m so goddamn lucky the world threw her back in my path.
It makes me tighten my embrace around her, press as many kisses as I can against her hair before I hear the tumble of footsteps upstairs and we have to pull back, though I’m keeping her in my arms as long as I possibly can.
Silver lines her eyes when I finally look down at her, but it’s a beautiful sight really because it’s her overflowinghappiness illuminating them. She sniffs and crinkles her nose. ‘You don’t think they’re too hideous?’
My laugh is loud and booming. ‘Oh no, they’re hideous. But it’s fine, I can pull off anything.’
‘You’re so cocky.’ She slaps at my chest then, levelling a rather unimpressed look at me.
Slowly, my hands slide down her back to her ass, giving it a light squeeze. ‘Come on—what have you seen me wear that I didn’t pull off?’
Her eyes roll and it’s the most delicious zing of satisfaction that runs through me. I love coaxing out her sassier reactions. Her hidden side that onlyIget to witness. Which I’m pretty certain the eggnog is emphasising tonight. ‘Shut up and go get changed. We’ve got Christmas movies to watch.’
We spend the rest of the evening on the couch, all wearing our tacky Christmas pyjamas, and watchingElf. The lights are off with nothing but the sparkling stars wrapped around the Christmas tree twinkling and the crackling flames of the fire spitting out a warm glow.
Thick blankets cover us, and Trixie settles by the fire. May finds comfort in the solitary armchair, which I’m pretty sure she chooses just so she can get away with falling asleep partway through the film. Noah, on the other hand, wedges himself between Honey and me, cuddling into her. They’re the perfect pair—matching red pyjamas, baby blues sparkling with enthusiasm at the film, and the warmer tones of their blonde hair caught by the firelight.