I decide then that I am definitely going to try to make Rory my friend. She’s someone who would have my eyes widening and cheeks blushing at the ease she says some things, and it would help me step out of my comfort zone, to a place I’m intrigued in, but always too sheepish to jump into alone. Sawyer’s the same, and although he’s the complete opposite to me, I think that’s why I can’t help but be drawn to him—he coaxes out a side of me I’ve always been nervous to indulge.
‘I’m sure Sawyer will appreciate that,’ I say, immediately rolling my lips afterwards to hold back the grin that wants to release at how daring that felt.
Rory’s eyes brighten with delight as she sits back up. We both giggle to ourselves, a radiant heat filling my cheeks and heart, as we stretch our legs out and reach forward to grab our ankles. The delicious stretch has my back thanking me.
‘Thanks for coming today, this was really nice,’ Rory says, releasing her stretch and leaning her hands back on the mat. She glances away for a second, to the horizon, then back. ‘It’s so bloody hard to make friends when you’re an adult, let alone when you move somewhere brand new.’
It’s like she read my mind.
‘It is, isn’t it?’ I respond. ‘But I don’t get why. I wasn’t exactly good at making friends when I was younger but the idea of trying to build up a friendship from scratch again terrifies me.’
Rory nods. ‘I think that’s it, though—I think we’re all more guarded when we’re older. When we were kids it was just,hey, you’re sat next to me, so now we’re best friends. We’re so careful now to reveal our true selves, probably because we’ve been hurt over the years and carry that with us. But y’know what—no more! Honey Goldman, I declare you my friend!’
My laughter bubbles out of me, and my cheeks ache from all the smiling. It’s been a weekend of having a grin plastered to my face constantly and hope it never ends.
I let myself wonder then—about how much more joy I experience when I allow myself to give in to what I want, no matter how scary or wrong it feels. Like the universe rewards me each time I show courage—the courage to admit my truth to Sawyer, the courage to be vulnerable and offer myself, my heart, over to him, the courage to put myself out there and meet new people, the courage to move across the country and reconnect with a town that once brought me pain.
I’m not sure I would be where I am now had I not found the courage to speak to Sawyer all those years ago in senioryear. Had I never climbed out of my bedroom window that fateful prom night and risked everything. Maybe each step of strength I show, the universe guides me a little closer to my true path, and if it isn’t funny how it’s led me straight back to Sawyer.
27
Sawyer
I’d forgotten how exhausting rodeos can be. I’m in Fort Worth, Texas, for the Thanksgiving weekend to support my friend Boone while he competes and to also make it up to my agent after missing the other events she wanted to send me on because I was too preoccupied with making up for lost time in the sheets with Honey.
As soon as I’m back in my hotel suite, I flop straight onto the bed, considering just going to sleep in my clothes. Expectedly, I was bombarded with plenty of interviews and questions about my recovery, how I’m feeling knowing I won’t be this year’s PBR World Champion, which hasn’t helped with the tiredness. Nor did having to fend off a couple of women hoping for an evening with me, oblivious that my heart belongs elsewhere.
Still, being back at a rodeo again, in the throng of it all—the adrenaline, the blaring country music, laughing with other bull riders—has my blood singing for where it belongs, what it’s been missing. I just have to work out howI can share that with Honey and Noah once I’m back on the road.Ifthat’s what they want.
Honey, Noah, and May are in North Carolina to stay with Gray and his parents for actual Thanksgiving—a tradition they have where Honey and Gray switch as to who hosts Thanksgiving or Christmas. But I’ve bought them tickets to meet me in Fort Worth for a weekend of Thanksgiving rodeo fun.
Honey may have suggested I join them but I knew it was right to let them have their family time without me. The few weeks with her, spending quiet nights in my bed, sneaking her back to her room in the early mornings, and stealing kisses whenever Noah isn’t looking, has been beyond perfect.
Besides, my mind is always darker on holidays like this, and they didn’t need that. Finding things to be grateful for when I lived in a violent home where love ceased to exist wasn’t something to look forward to when I was younger.
Plus, spending Thanksgiving alone isn’t foreign to me. Occasionally, I head over to Wyatt’s family’s place for Thanksgiving as I’m always invited out of pity. It does soften the blow a bit that Duke and his grandmother usually go too, but I try not to make it a habit each year. Instead, I usually head to some Thanksgiving rodeo event—it’s the only place I know keeps my head level, and man did it do wonders today knowing I was without my woman and her sweet boy.
I’m just about dozing off in my hotel bed when my phone buzzes beside me. The sight of Honey’s name on my phone screen when I reach for it has me instantly alert—like evenjust the promise of her voice is enough of a hit to have my addiction to her momentarily satisfied.
I put her on speakerphone and the phone on my chest as I lie back. ‘Hey, Blue. Everything okay?’
‘Hey, you,’ she replies, her voice a soft whisper. ‘I’ve just got in bed, everyone’s asleep now, so thought I’d give you a quick call. How was the rodeo? Feel good to be back?’
The silly smile that spreads through my cheeks knowing she was thinking of me is almost embarrassing. ‘Yeah, Blue. It really did. And seeing people still excited for me to return, has me itching to be fully healed and out there again. What about you? Good day? Noah okay?’
‘We’re good. It’s been real nice. I’ve eaten way too much, though.’ She lets out her silvery laugh and the sound goes straight to my heart. Fuck, as great as being at the rodeo today was, I can’t wait for her to get here. ‘Was good for Noah to see his grandparents too. Think they were very intrigued by thehandsome cowboyme and Momma are living withthat he was telling them all about, though.’
‘He called mehandsome?’ I throw a hand to my forehead, chuckling. That kid doesn’t speak for ages and then says the funniest shit. Man, he’s the best. I miss him too.
Honey sighs. ‘Gray didn’t seem impressed.’
That bolsters me more than it should. I don’t even know the guy, but I hope he’s jealous. I’m petty, what can I say?
‘Why? His kid’s only telling the truth. I am a very handsome cowboy.’
That rewards me with another giggle of hers, all breathy like she’s trying to stifle it so not to wake anyone. I expect her to teasingly scold me for being too cocky or something,but instead her whisper takes on a honeyed cadence as she admits, ‘Mhm, you are. I miss you.’
I’d be a fool to miss the need that drips from each word.