At that, her hand retracts. ‘What?’
‘I—I need you to tell me all the things wrong with me. All the reasons nothing could ever happen between us. Because otherwise I’ll forget, and I’ll do the wrong thing here again.’
‘What are you talking about?’ Anger strikes her eyes like lightning, ire fully lit ablaze. As if she can’t believe I’d even suggest such, even though it’s her who confirmed such nine years ago. Her gaze flicks between mine wildly. ‘It—there’s nothing wrong with you, Sawyer.’
Bullshit.
My teeth clench, and I grit out, ‘Thenwhy, Blue? Why did you leave?’
‘Because I was scared!’ she cries out. Her chest heaves with each breath, as if the admission knocked all the air from her. ‘I … I never told, but … I had a pregnancy scare. It was just a late period but it terrified me. I thought it was a sign—apunishment—for getting close to you and thinking you’d stay. That’s how it had always worked for me, Sawyer. I get close to people, I think I’ve finally found the love I want, and then I get hurt. I get punished.’ Her eyes are a swarming sea of agony. She whispers the next part, body trembling, ‘And I was scared you’d leave me.’
No fucking chance.
With that, I bracket my hands around her wrists and pull her into my lap, not thinking about offering my touch first, not when Iknowshe needs to be held. Though Honey comes willingly, thighs landing either side of my hips, her wide eyes blink at me, my body, taking in our predicament, at how well her curves instantly mould to me.
But she already knew that.
That knowledge is almost a decade old.
Gently, I guide her hands to my shoulders, running my own down her shaking arms, then dip my head to look deeper into her eyes, all red and rimmed with silver. ‘I had a plan for us, Blue.’
‘I know … but you also had a plan foryou, and I was scared that one day you’d wake up and realise that I was in the way—that you weren’t living that full life on the road, being with whoever you wanted. Because—’ she pauses, words struggling up ‘—we were never meant to be, really. Look at us. You were the high school quarterback on hisway to becoming a bull-riding champion, and I was … I didn’t even know who I was, Sawyer. If you hadn’t seen the marks on my wrist that day in senior year, we would’ve never spoken, there wouldn’t have been a future to worry about.’
Fuck what’s meant to be.
I shouldn’t be able to stay on the back of a bucking bull as long as I do, but I still do it. I defy the odds. I fight against the fear that tries to stop me. And I’ll fight against hers too. If that’s what it takes.
I’m done standing on the sidelines of our love. She didn’t come back for nothing. I’ve never been so sure of anything.
‘But I did.’ I bring her wrist up and press a kiss to the skin there, over her thrumming pulse, where the bruises once lay. Her breath catches like the softest tap of a symbol. ‘I was meant to, Blue. That’s why you’re back, I know it.’
Two blue pools of wonder watch as I lift her other wrist and plant a kiss there too. When she doesn’t stop me, I let my lips explore further, tenderly kissing up her arm and appreciating every inch of her bare skin.
I’ve missed it so fucking much. The sensation of her softness beneath my lips, her sweet vanilla scent invading my senses when I breathe her in, the way my blood thrums at her closeness. My heart pumpsmine, mine, mine,fingers digging harder into her hips.
‘You’re meant to be mine,’ I mumble against her skin. When I reach the sleeve of her T-shirt, I drag her hair out of the way and nuzzle my nose into the crook of her neck, relishing how pliable she is in my hands, bending her neck to give me more access instantly.
‘You don’t want us, Sawyer,’ she confesses even as mymouth meets the sensitive skin of her neck. Her pulse flutters beneath my lips.
She saidus, as if Noah hasn’t brought purpose to my every day, hasn’t brightened my life just as much as she has. As if having the two of them around hasn’t made me reconsider the kind of future I want. The kind offamilyI want.
‘Why?’ I trail my mouth up to her ear. ‘Because you think all I want is to sleep around? You think I enjoy always running from any chance of connection?’
My teeth graze her lobe once, twice, then bite down, nipping the flesh and receiving the most delicious jolt of her body in response, the kind that has her hips rocking into me. I’m so fucking hard and I hope she can feel it. Hope she realises how much my cock is aching for her. How much it’s needed her all these years.
‘You think I haven’t had you in my mind for the past decade, setting too high of a bar for any other woman I’ve met?’
I’m being greedy with my touches but years of need are finally spilling over, so I slide my hand up her stomach and palm one of her breasts over her T-shirt, groaning at the feel of her soft, full body. At the way she gasps again. I remember she did that a lot when I first touched her in my truck.
‘Do you know what I did after I touched you last weekend on the deck, Blue? I went straight to my room and sucked off what you left on my fingers as I fisted my cock thinking of you. Thinking of how good you felt, how fucking sweet you tasted.’
‘Sawyer,’ she mewls, and my cock twitches at how badly I want to coax more of those whimpering sounds from her.
But I can’t. Not yet.
Not until she tells me to. Not until she admits she needs me as much as I need her.
‘I know that I don’t seem steady. I know how I’ve lived my life doesn’t fit the picture you’re painting for yourself but forget the man I’ve been. Forget everything, Blue. What kind of man do you need? Let me be him.’