“A couple of weeks before he died, he walked in on Miguel and me. We weren’t doing anything, but whatever it was Dad saw made him give me a talk afterward. He told me that some men were different, but he didn’t want me to be like that. He wanted me to be a real man and have a family with a good woman. Then he died. For a long time, I just wanted to honor his memory and be the man he wanted me to be.”
Lupita’s forehead creased in a sad frown. “Oh, Hector. I’m so sorry you took on that burden.”
Hector continued on. “It was easy, because I like girls too. So even though I looked at a man every now and then, I knew I’d never pursue it. But then Miguel…” He looked down at the table. Miguel had changed everything for him. His mother shook his hand to get his attention.
“The heart wants who it wants, Hector. Your father was a good man, and I know you love him. And he loved you. What he said to you, that’s how many people feel. He’s passed on, so we can’t say if he would have come around and changed his mind if you had gone to him with your love for Miguel. What I do know is that you can’t give up a chance at love and a family because of someone else’s views. Even if that person is your father. He’s gone now, but you’re here. And Miguel is here. So go and tell him how you feel.”
Hector jolted slightly when his mother said he loved Miguel. How stupid was he to not realize the reason he’d been in such a good mood today? He was happy with Miguel because he loved Miguel. After that realization, he sat there, thinking about everything his mother had said. She was right and he knew it. As much as his father’s memory meant to him, he couldn’t spend his life trying to please a ghost. He wanted to make what he had with Miguel official. He wasn’t sure exactly what that meant yet, but when he saw his future, Miguel was there too.
He smiled at Lupita. “Thank you, Mamá. I needed to hear that.”
“You’re welcome. You know I always know best.”
Chapter 14
Hector arrived home after his visit with his mother. He felt good, like he’d been given…not permission, but blessings to move forward to the next stage of his life with Miguel. He opened the door to his apartment, eager to see Miguel and tell him what he’d decided. And to tell him how he truly felt. No more dancing around it. He loved Miguel, and he needed to say it.
Inside, his boyfriend sat at the desk, on the computer. Without saying anything, Hector went over and pulled him to his feet. He wrapped his arms tight around Miguel and bent low to give him a long, satisfying kiss. When he pulled back, Miguel looked up at him with a bemused smile.
“What was that for?”
“Because I’m happy.” He smiled down at Miguel, who still looked pleased yet slightly confused. “I want you to stay here with me. Stop saving money to move into your own apartment. Or set it aside for now and we can put it toward a two-bedroom or even renting a house. Whichever.” When he was finished, he expected Miguel to be just as excited as he was at his decision. What he got was Miguel pulling away from his hug and stepping back.
“That’s a lot of what you want.”
Hector frowned. “Yeah, it is. Don’t you want that too?”
“Hector, you know I wanted to get my own place.” Miguel nodded toward the laptop. “I found an apartment I can afford that I really like. I just finished submitting the rental application.”
“But I want you here with me. I want to build something with you.”
“Santos wanted me to stay with him too and look where that got me.”
Hector’s frown deepened in annoyance at Miguel putting their relationship on the same level as what he’d experienced with Santos. “Don’t compare me to that abusive piece of shit.”
Miguel took another step back, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m sorry, Hector. But I can’t just give up on what I’m working for. And you, this”—he gestured back and forth between them—”is the first time you’ve been involved with another man. You don’t even really know if it’s something you want in the long run. You’re not ready to jump into a relationship with me. If we’re being real, you’ve never even had a serious relationship.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Get out there and date. See if you’re really into being with men or if this has just been something you felt you needed to explore and play around with because of our history.”
Hector’s face heated, his stomach clenching in anger. “What the fuck? You want me to go out and prove my same sex attraction before I can be with you? Miguel, that doesn’t make any sense.”
Miguel threw his hands up, his voice rising. “Look, I can’t do this okay? I can’t just fall into letting another man take care of me. Do you know how scary that was for me, having nothing to my name? And it wasn’t just scary, it was pathetic. Homeless and broke overnight at the whim of a man. I don’t want to be with you, thinking we’re building something, and two months or however the hell long later, I come home and find out you’ve decided this isn’t for you and I’m right back where I started!” By the time he was finished, he was red-faced from shouting.
Hector stood there, staring at Miguel, shocked that what he’d thought would be a natural progression in their relationship had turned into a confusing argument. He tried to make sense of what was happening, but all he heard was Miguel thought he would keep him dependent like Santos had, only to dump him for some imaginary woman. He was pissed, insulted, and he wasn’t going to sit there and listen to any more of it. “Forget it. You want to go, then go.” He grabbed his keys and stormed back out.
***
Miguel kicked the bottom of the couch. That wasn’t how he’d expected telling Hector he’d found an apartment to go. He probably shouldn’t have said what he had about Hector not being ready to date a man. He didn’t really feel that way. It was just… He was terrified of being dependent on someone else again.
But that fear hadn’t exactly been on his mind before. It surprised him, popping up when Hector told him to stop saving money to move out. He hadn’t known how to address that sudden new fear, so he’d thrown Hector’s recently acknowledged sexuality in his face as an excuse to put the brakes on their relationship.
What was he supposed to do? He loved Hector. He always had. It hadn’t always been romantic, but it definitely was now, even if he hadn’t ever said it out loud. But he’d been leaning on Hector since he was a kid. It was time to stand on his own two feet. He needed to do things on his own without Hector as his boyfriend backing him up every time something went wrong. Miguel sighed. Which meant he had something to tell Hector when he got back.
His heart hurting and his feet dragging, Miguel went into the bedroom just long enough to get the blanket and spare pillow that he hadn’t used in weeks.
After several hours, Hector returned home. He softly closed the door, but Miguel wasn’t asleep. He sat up on the couch, blinking and rubbing his eyes.