Her eyes widened.
“No, Elizabeth, you are ruined. You have already been ruined before I ever did anything to you last night, so—”
“Perhaps you might start with the speech you practiced,” she interrupted. “I thought your marriage proposal was bad, but really, I clearly had no idea.”
He grimaced, slumping into the chair opposite her. “I am sorry.” He drew in a breath. “It is only this is what you do to me,you know. I see you, and I go barking mad, raving really, it’s as if…” He sat up straight, squaring his shoulders. “I am not like this, truly. I’m never like this. I don’t speak this way to women. I don’t do these sorts of things to women—”
“Oh, clearly you do. There was the woman that taught you how to use your mouth oncunnies, after all.” She should not be sharp with him. She really needed to school her tongue. Perhaps this man made her barking mad as well. She huffed. “Forgive me. I have no right to say anything at all about that—”
“You are jealous of that and you are sitting here, with child, with someoneelse’schild, and I have said absolutely nothing—”
“No, yes, you are so very noble, of course, are you not? You wish me to sit here and agree to it, to jettisoning everything, my good name, my family’s good name, my entire existence—”
“Well, again, this ship has sailed. You are going to go and live as a companion—essentially as the Hursts’ servant, are you not? You think that’s going to preserve your good name? You think that’s some sort of future? Lizzy, we can be together. We can have everything. I’ll find you a house, and I’ll live there with you, and we’ll raise this babe. We can have more children. We can have a life together. I want a life with you. It’s all I’ve wanted since I clapped eyes on you—”
“How can you say that? You would not even deign to ask me to dance. You said you would not be charitable to a woman who wasn’t good enough for other men.”
“Oh, God in Heaven youheardthat?” He buried his face in his hands.
“You said I was tolerable,” she muttered into the fire.
“Well, that was a lie.” His voice was muffled.
“You say that now.”
“No, it’s…” He dragged his fingers over his face. “The truth is, I said I would not dance with you, because I didn’t trust myself. I thought, ‘If I dance with that woman, if I’m close enough to kissher, I shall do it, and I shall say anything at all, lie to her, make her any number of promises, set my life on fire for the chance to lift her skirts,’ because I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you!”
She got out of the chair, got out of it so quickly she knocked it over.
The clatter was loud.
They both looked at it.
He winced. “No, I don’t… it’s not… it’s not just that. I did not know you then. It is not just some carnal desire, not anymore. You are self-possessed and so very, very witty, and the way you spoke to my aunt, to Lady Catherine, you are very funny, and I—” He got up. “Obviously, I would not have asked for your hand in marriage only because I wanted to bed you.”
She was too stunned to know how to behave. She was looking back over every interaction she’d had with this man and seeing it in an entirely different light, and suddenly things were all lining up in a way that finally made it all make sense. She let out a noisy breath. She bent over to right the chair.
He stopped her. “Let me do that.”
She did.
He set the chair back up.
There was a fierce whisper at the door. “What are you doing in there? The servants can hear you.” It was Caroline.
Elizabeth rounded on him, shaking her head.
He went entirely still.
“Sorry,” said Elizabeth, raising her voice, but still keeping it quiet. “An accident. I did not mean to knock the chair over.”
“I thought I heard voices,” said Caroline. The doorknob was turning.
“No, Caroline, do not—”
The door opened.
Caroline took them both in. She let out a horrified noise.