I don’t think I’ll feel settled until that happens.
What if it never happens?
The thought slams into me and more silent tears roll down my face. Dad looks at me, his mouth open and closing as if he’s reaching for words but can’t find them.
“You need to wake up,” Jackal’s voice turns to steel. “If you’re not careful, you’re going to lose your daughter.”
Dad’s eyes snap up to meet those of the former club Prez, the same man he watched for years because he was looking for a reason to take down the club. Have they ever stood face to face without the badge and the club between them?
I’m not sure I care.
“That would be tragedy enough,” Jackal’s voice gentles slightly, but doesn’t lose the edge entirely, “but think about missing out on the lives of your grandchildren.”
My dad’s eyes widen and swing back to me. “I’m not pregnant,” I rasp the words indignantly while shaking my head slightly.
Jackal huffs out a sound that might be a laugh. “If I know my son, he’ll be working on it soon enough.” One side of his mouth curls up as he looks at me affectionately. “You can tell me I’m wrong.”
I roll my eyes and Jackal chuckles softly like it’s all the proof he needs. Maybe it is. I’m grateful that I feel a little lighter, but I’m still very aware of the blood on my hands.
So much blood.
While swallowing hard, I push the thought away. Dad is looking at me like he’s never seen me before. Unfortunately, it’s probably true.
“You might not like it or understand it,” Jackal’s voice fills the silence, “but that doesn’t matter. Not to them. People will talk, they always do, but Ryker is going to make her his Old Lady. All she needs is the cut at this point to make it official.”
Jackal’s declaration is given like it’s a fact. The words aren’t harsh, but they aren’t kind either. They simply are.
“I’m not here to cause trouble,” Dad’s voice is like gravel, “I’m just here to check on my daughter.”
Jackal looks at me, asking me the question without words. When I nod, he does as well, pride shining in his eyes, and steps aside.
Dad closes the distance between us, but when he reaches me it’s like he doesn’t know what to do. His hands are hovering out in front of him, but he doesn’t hug me or touch me. His indecision feels like a blade against my skin.
Too bad I became numb to the sensation a long time ago.
He always hesitated when it came to affection. I’m sure it has nothing to do with me, but it’s still not an easy pill to swallow.
“I’m not sure what to say,” his words are unsteady in a way I’ve never heard before.
He looks right at me, his eyes boring into mine when I would expect him to be looking around the room filled with the club. A little ember of hope finds a spark in my chest. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.
“I’m fine,” I spit out the word with more venom than I intended. “I’m not the one who got shot because Titus was standing in front of me,” my words break at the end, and Lara tightens her grip on me.
It’s just enough to hold me together. For now.
Dad blows out a breath and ignores the snark in my voice. He nods slowly as if absorbing the words and cataloging them as truth.
“I’m glad you’re okay.” He swallows hard and something shutters in his expression.
Is knowing I’m okay enough for the glimpse of the Dad I need to disappear and be hidden away again?
His voice shifts, becomes more authoritative, and I have my answer, “I watched the security video.”
I swallow down the words I want to say. About him putting his job before me. About him needing to see the evidence before deciding if I was worth visiting.
Maybe that’s not fair, but I’m done being fair. I’m too exhausted to even try.
“I see,” my voice is ice cold and Dad flinches. “What did you need to see before coming here? Did you need to make sure I didn’t do anything to cause all of this before showing up? Were you going to show up at all?”