“She’s struggling,” I interrupt, “you know it, I know it, hell she knows it but won’t admit it. The nightmares are getting worse. They are following her when she is awake.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” I sigh, “she is not eating properly; she is not sleeping properly; she is holding it together because that is who she is, but it’s costing her.”
“Fuck,” Felix mutters, so quietly I don’t think I was meant to hear. He groans, “I don’t know what to do.”
“Then figure it out. I can’t hold your hand through this, Felix and you know it.”
“I know,” he scoffs as I pick up my cup and pour the coffee into it, watching it bloom against the porcelain.
“You need to step up,” I say, walking over to the fridge and getting the milk out. “Soon it’s going to be a shit show with initiation and she won’t ask for help. She never does. But she needs you, not as backup, as her brother.”
“I should have been there,” he chokes out and my teeth grind at the self-sacrificing bullshit of this group.
“You are now,” I snap, “that’s the only part that matters. Get your fucking head out your arse, Felix.”
“Augh,” he groans, “I know, okay, I know. Jesus Christ, I knew you dating her would be a fucking nightmare.”
I pause, waiting this out. I am so over this conversation; he usually doesn’t make me say this many words and it is irritating me. I have no grace to be irritated right now; Fae needs me at my best and that is what she will get.
“Thank you, Roman, for being there for her.” He finally says and I scoff.
“Don’t thank me for loving your sister, Felix, it’s weird.”
“What, wait, you love her?”
“No, I just tolerated living with you for three years because it was fun. Of course I love her.” I snap again, then count to ten to get my anger under control as Felix chuckles down the phone.
“I don’t think that equals love, you know that, right?”
“Of course it does. My mum told me that love was sacrifice and hanging around you is sacrificing things, Felix. Something I would not tolerate if it were not for her.”
His booming laughter echoes through the phone and I have to pull it away from my ear. The problem with these guys is they genuinely believe that I am lying, or that I am a comedian, and I am not sure which is worse.
“Does she know?” he splutters out after he calms down.
“Does she know what?” I sigh.
“That you love her…”
I pause at that. Does she? I don’t think I have told her those words, but does she need them? I mean, I am with her all the time and I make it clear that there is nobody else for me. She knows how The Company works; she knows that when you choose someone, you choose them forever.
I sigh and rub a hand down my face, deciding I will speak to my mum about this later. Human emotions and I have never mixed, but I will do anything to make sure Fae chooses me as much as I choose her.
“Anyway, is that all? I need to make her breakfast, otherwise she won’t eat.” I sidestep his question.
“No,” he responds. The shift in his tone is immediate. His voice goes lighter in a careless way that I know is not real. “I was at the church last night and realised it needed some maintenance.”
My fingers tighten around the mug as I take a sip of my coffee.
“It is not a one-man job, you see; I am wondering whether you could help?” Felix continues.
“Hmm,” I muse, “how many people need to be there for that?”
“All of us. Fae can make the drinks, I know she does not like to use power tools.”
“I can get Fae and me there in two hours.”