Don’t cry again.You can’t see to drive if you cry.
“Thanks, guys.Really.I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”
Honestly, it’s so tempting.The way they’re all looking at me right now?Happy?Hopeful?It’severything.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say yes.Yes to the couch, yes to more brunches.Yes, I’ll stay.But then I see Liam in my head, telling me he wants me to go.If I ran into him on the street tomorrow, I wouldn’t be able to take it.
“At the risk of being super cringe right now, I love you guys.And I’m not saying I don’t want to stay, because I actually really do.My heart hurts too much right now.Maybe once I’ve gotten some distance from Liam, it’ll be different.”
“Hey, we could help with that,” Adam says solemnly.“They say getting under someone helps you get over someone, right?Troy and I love a good threesome.We’d treat you right.”
Next to him, Troy nods his agreement.
Jesus, they’re both completely serious.
Neither of them seem to notice the wide stares and a few fist bumps from the rest of the crowd.There’s been a pool going on about if, or maybe when, the two would admit they’re sleeping together.Or maybe it was if they’re a couple?I don’t know.I did put money in, but I guess I won’t be around to win the prize.Even though they haven’t said anything shocking, it still feels like a clue.Adam and Troy await my answer, seeming blissfully unaware of the commotion around them.
“Thanks, guys.Seriously.”They’re trying to help.“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re not really my type.”
“Oh, that makes sense.”Troy rubs his chin.“I’ve seen that Liam guy you’re into.Daddy energy.”
“Wait, when did you see him?”
Troy snaps his fingers.“You’ve got pictures on your phone, remember?”
Oh.Right.I’ve basically been carrying a shrine to the man in my pocket for years.Feels silly now.
“Also, he was at that party.The one where you made out with Dean.”
My sleepy eyes fly wide open.“What did you say?”
“That’s right,” Adam agrees.“Didn’t stay long, but he was staring at you like he wanted to either eat you or murder you.”
That was the night Liam and I fought when I came home.The night he spanked me.Oh God.
What if he’d let me know he was there?What if I hadn’t kissed Dean?What if Liam had come over and dragged me out of there in front of everyone?Would things be different now?
I glance down at my watch, which I didn’t leave even though I probably should have.It’s mine, after all, and if Liam really doesn’t want me, then it doesn’t matter if he can track me.It’s not as if he’s going to follow.
The conversation moves on to other things, and we end up sitting on the sidewalk for a couple of hours until Gil himself comes out to glare at us threateningly with a broom in his hand.Everybody hugs me goodbye.PJ twice, which kind of surprises me.He always sort of acted like he was reluctantly accepting my friendship.
Michael lets me go with a sort of confusing comment about being the master of my own destiny.Maybe he’s right.It’s time I stop chasing someone I wish would want me and decide what I want all on my own.Guess I’ll have plenty of time in the car to think about what that might mean.
When I settle into the car with my cat, my to-go coffee, and half a leftover burrito, things are only sort of blurry.I’m almost proud of myself that I make it as far as the Florida-Georgia line before I really let myself get emotional.
It’s thinking about Liam getting shot that does it, of all things.Walking out of his house hurt so much, but I thought the pain would lessen the farther I got from town.Only, it hurts more now.Like that shard of glass in my chest is pushing deeper.
With every mile the ache seems to intensify.As if the old connection between us is getting stretched to its breaking point.
Is he okay?Does he need help changing his bandages?Is he in too much pain?Then I can’t help thinking about that moment in the shower when I really thought we were on the verge of having everything.Fuck that sack of garbage, Dylan Beck, for aiming a gun at him.After telling me he was pissed he hadn’t been able to sell me.
What we needed was an investment.
Wait.Wait.Wait.
We.He said ‘we’ needed an investment.
“There was somebody else.”