Colby cringes. “I don’t know what it was originally, but now it’s everywhere.”
My stomach sinks.
When he plays the video, my entire body melts into goo and slips through the cracks in the floor. I want it to, at least. This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Jaida has been perfectly glammed by her team—natural makeup, so just enough, but not too much. She’s sitting in bright, clear lighting, with tasteful tears glistening in her eyes.
“I’m not going to name names,” she starts, her golden brown hair pulled up in a high-pony and trailing over her shoulder, “but I’ve been hurt today, and I think it’s only right to address the situation before this turns into war. That’s not what I want, and I know my fans are so wonderful and so loyal, I had to talk to you guys directly. The last thing I need right now is for any of you to turn against a fellow artist.”She sniffles sweetly, and I want to crush something in my bare hands, but at the same time I can feel all the blood draining from my body.“In this industry we should be lifting each other up, so please don’t tear anyone down in my name, even if you think it’s fair or the right thing to do, given the situation.”
“Wow,” Benny says under his breath.
Jaida sniffs again. “I will pull through, because the Jaida Nation is the most loving and supportive group in the world. Together, we can get through anything.”
A lone tear rolls down her cheek at the end of her video, and it pauses on the saddest-looking still image possible.
Colby clicks off his phone and sets it face down on the counter, probably before I can ask to see the comments. I don’t want to know what everyone else is saying about me. Honestly, I’m not sure my brain is functioning at all right now.
The silence is thick. The air is so heavy I could probably swim through it, or maybe that’s shock making my limbs feel boneless all of a sudden. My song was bad, yeah, but this…this is shocking.
That’s it; I’min shock. Is this what it feels like to die? To float above your own body and watch it exist? I zoomed out from my own life and I’m watching the kitchen scene unfold like I have no control over my own bodily functions.
“Bree,” Benny hedges.
I can’t respond. I can’t even open my mouth. My career didn’t just implode today; my entire life did. I dug my own grave and crawled into the coffin by releasing that song, but Jaida nailed me inside and buried me six feet deep.
There is no coming back from this.
I’m vaguely aware of Benny taking my hand and guiding me into his living room, then helping me sit on the sofa. He’s talking to me, but my ears are ringing. I can’t register a single word that’s leaving his beautiful mouth.
Oh, now it’s smiling a little.
“Bree, can I get you something to drink? Water?”
“Something stronger?” Colby calls from behind him.
“No,” I say weakly.
“The song will work.” Benny crouches in front of me. He rests his hands on my knees and looks into my eyes. “It will work. We need to fine tune it, maybe change a few more things first, but I think it has potential.”
I scoff quietly.
“I have faith in you.”
His words drive warmth up my spine, but it’s short lived. Every time I imagine Jaida’s face on that video, I want to close my eyes and be back in my blanket world again.
“Can I walk you home?” Benny asks. “Or would you rather stay here?”
Alone. I need to be alone.
“Okay, let’s go.”
Welp, didn’t realize I’d said that out loud.
“Then you probably didn’t realize you also told me I have a beautiful mouth,” he quips. “But it’s okay. I have a feeling most of this will be a blur tomorrow.”
I’m less confident. I also can’t even muster up a blush or the will to be embarrassed. I’ve used up my quota for the year.
He walks me out. I faintly recognize Colby calling out a goodbye as we go, but between that, crawling into my bed, and burying myself under the thick white duvet, I don’t remember much.
But one truth rises, pestering me with its finality: I just burned my whole life to the ground.