Grier was still there.
They were wrapped in each other’s arms.
With her back pressed against the wall of his cottage, Jerry stood naked before her, driving into her with an abandon that broke my heart. He was entirely unaware of my presence, but Grier saw me the moment I opened the door.
She locked eyes with me, smiled, and threw her head back and laughed.
Chapter 34
Perspective is everything. Seeing Jerry wrapped in Grier’s arms should’ve broken me, but the sudden death of my father had already split me in two. Yes, I was heartbroken. Yes, I was angry. Yes, I felt betrayed, nauseated, and confused. None of it mattered.
The moment Grier laughed, I turned and walked calmly away.
Sometimes life steals the things you love. I wouldn’t fight something I couldn’t change. I was no match for Grier. Of course Jerry loved her. Every man I’d ever known had. Why would the man who’d spent more time with her than anyone else be any different? He’d been simply biding his time with me until she returned.
I was a fool, and I deserved this betrayal. He’d treated me exactly as I’d treated Henry.
I couldn’t move past the pain here. So many horrible things over the course of my still young life held me in chains at Conall Castle. I loved my brother, Elspeth, and Eoin deeply, but the pain was too much. I couldn’t stay. Not now.
I shed no tears as I walked back inside the castle. My world was chaos all around me, but inside I felt nothing. I hoped I could hold onto that nothingness forever.
I met Elspeth on the staircase on the way to my bedchamber.
“What’s happened, lass? Ye are paler than I’ve ever seen ye.”
I smiled to relieve her worry but quickly stepped into the shadows so she couldn’t see my face.
“’Tis nothing. Do ye know where Henry is? I need to speak with him.”
“Aye, he’s in the dining room with Alasdair.”
That was even better. I could tell them both at once.
* * *
As was his habit, Alasdair dragged me out of the dining hall to discuss in private what I’d just announced.
I’d never seen him so angry. He was trembling as he held my wrist. I was certain everyone could hear him screaming.
“Have ye lost yer mind, lass? Why would ye tell him ye intend to leave with him tomorrow when we both know ye mean to end yer engagement come morning?”
My insides were like ice. All my life, there was no one who could impact the way I felt more than Alasdair. I cared about his opinion more than anyone. But tonight, his words couldn’t break through the wall I’d erected inside.
“My mind is fine. I’ve decided to keep the engagement. I meant what I told both of ye. I will leave with Henry come morning so we may visit his home and begin preparations for our wedding.”
Shaking his head, Alasdair gripped the sides of his head with both hands as he paced wildly in front of me.
“I doona understand a word ye are saying, Morna. I know ye are devastated about Da. I know what it feels like to wish ye could leave here and never step back inside these walls again. The ghost of our memories of him will stay within these walls forever, but we canna run away from this, lass. With time, ’twill get easier.”
Calmly, I reached out to touch his arm to stop him.
“This has nothing to do with Father.”
“What then? Has Jerry done something to ye? If he’s hurt ye lass, I’ll kill him.”
Even Jerry’s name caused me no pain. I was someone who felt everything so intensely. Now I felt nothing. I was beginning to wonder if I’d unintentionally spelled myself.
“Jerry would never hurt me. ’Tis only that he loves another. I dinna see it before, but I see it now. ’Tis time for me to move on from here and live my own life. I shall do so with Henry.”