They're tender. Not sore. Tender like a place that reminds my body it did something last night it hasn't done in a long time.
That's what's been happening to my body all morning. Quiet little reminders I can't quite ignore.
The heaviness in my chest that isn't grief—I know what grief feels like in there, and this isn't grief.
The warm hum sitting low under my ribs every time I let my mind wander.
The way my breath catches without warning when I think about his hand under my jaw and his thumb against the place beneath my ear where my pulse was going so hard I thought he could feel my whole body inside it.
I expected to wake up regretting last night. I didn't.
I expected to wake up panicked. I didn't do that either.
What I woke up doing was wanting to do it again, and that's the thing that's making my heart race over a pan of bacon at the bunkhouse stove.
I'm done being scared of wanting this.
I think it’s as plain as a sentence I'd say to my own face in the bathroom mirror. Then I pull the bacon off and start the eggs.
"Sweetheart."
I jump. The spatula clatters against the side of the pan.
Marlena is in the doorway with Cal on her hip. She's smiling like she's been watching me for longer than she wants to admit.
"Mornin'," I say, smoothing my apron down.
"Mornin'." She comes in. Sets Cal on the kitchen island where he can grab at the canister of sugar. "You doin' all right this mornin', sweetheart?"
"I'm doin' all right."
Marlena looks at me.
The look lasts about two heartbeats longer than is comfortable. I feel the back of my neck warm. My hand on the spatula tightens.
"Hadley."
"Yeah?"
Her mouth has the smallest knowing curve in the corner of it. "Honey, you gotthelook."
I stop moving. The egg pan is hot under my hand. "What look?"
"The one I had the mornin' after Phantom kissed me the first time."
My face goes hot all the way to my ears. "Marlena."
"I'm not askin' for details." She pulls Cal back into her arms before he can get the sugar canister open. "I'm tellin' you I sawyour face from my kitchen window when you crossed the gravel last night, and I'm tellin' you it's about damn time."
I turn back to the eggs because if I look at her I'm going to either laugh or cry, and I can’t trust myself right now to pick one.
She lets me have the moment and busies herself with Cal.
When I have my face back under control, she says, "Two days, Hadley."
I look up. "What?"
"Two days till Phantom and I leave for College Station. Presley's graduation. We'll be gone for five days, give or take."