His face grew soft and he reached out to grab my hand briefly. “I bet you were great, baby.”
Just then, Gracie started to squawk and I went to get her bottle ready.
Sal surprised me by helping quite a bit with babysitting. He didn’t change her diaper, but he held her a little bit and gave her a bottle. There was nothing that could have melted my heart more than seeing my badass man holding a little tiny baby. I was in a constant state of swoon.
But, by the time Scarlet and Cole came to pick her up, we were ready to hand her back. It was a lot of work taking care of a baby!
“Have fun?” I asked Scarlet, noting the twinkle in her eye.
“Yeah,” she said with a grin. “Everything okay here?”
“Totally, piece of cake,” I assured her.
“Thanks, you’re the best.” She hugged me as Cole took their sleeping baby in her Moses basket.
“Anytime, you know that. Wedding planning this week?” I verified. We had a date for a dress fitting and some other “girly shit” as Cole called it.
“Wouldn’t miss it,” she grinned, following her man out to the truck.
“Phew, that was a lot of work,” I sighed, closing the door and leaning against it. “I need a drink.”
“Me, too,” Sal agreed, pulling out two beers as we plopped on the couch.
We sat in weighted silence while sipping our beers. There was something about spending time with a baby with the man you loved to make an elusive future suddenly feel very present and very…real.
“You want kids?” he asked in the blunt manner that was so Sal. I wanted to sigh in relief that he was saying what we were both thinking.
“Yeah,” I nodded, realizing for the first time with clarity that I absolutely did. Sure, when Scar had asked I wasn’t entirely sure. But it wasn’t until Sal asked, when it really mattered, that I knew my answer with certainty.
“You?” I asked shocked at how hard my heart was hammering waiting for his response.
He sighed as he twirled his beer bottle in hand, pulling at the label with his fingers. “A year ago I would have said fuck no. Now, maybe?” he shot a look over in my direction before returning to his label demolition. “I guess meetin’ my pop and his side of my family made me feel more hopeful about being a parent.”
I tried not to take an obvious intake of breath. I’d been waiting and waiting, hoping Sal would talk more about what happened when he was gone.
“My mom and I haven’t ever talked about it much; you know we’re not close. But I’d always assumed she’d had the fling with my dad and felt ashamed. But he told a different story. He said they loved each other. That shocked the shit out of me,” he admitted. “But he lived in near poverty, and her parents didn’t approve of the relationship. She was forced to come back to the states and break all ties in order to have me.”
“God, that’s awful,” I replied softly.
“Yeah,” he agreed. After a moment, he sighed and his tone turned ponderous. “I was surprised how relieved I was to find out I was born out of something more than a one-night stand,” he said, and I was touched by his admission. “And it was eye opening being with that side of my family. They’re so loving and open. It gave me hope that I have that somewhere inside me, too,” he said quietly, his eyes on me. “My mother was always so cold and removed from me. Maybe I reminded her too much of my dad, of what she couldn’t have or something,” he said as he shrugged. “And then she married that asshole husband of hers. They were the only parents I knew. I grew up feeling like an afterthought, a mistake. Clearly, it fucked me up,” he admitted.
My heart lurched for him, but I didn’t speak. He needed to talk it out, and I was more than happy to let him.
His expression grew warm. “My grandma is amazing,” he said as he grinned in a way he rarely did. “She was determined to teach me Spanish before I left.”
“Did it work?”
“No,” he said as he laughed. He had such a wonderful laugh, so deep and rich sounding. “I don’t have a great ear for language apparently.”
I laughed with him.
“They welcomed me with open arms just as I am, accepted me as family immediately,” he added quietly. “I never had that growing up. “
“I’m sure that meant a lot,” I said, marveling at the vulnerability he was showing me now.
“But being with them, I mean, they don’t have much, next to nothing actually. But, you’d never know. And Pop is so different than I expected. I think I would have been a different person if I’d grown up with him,” he said, sounding slightly pained. “I could have been better for you, not put you through so much shit.”
I took his hand in mine and squeezed. “It’s over and done, babe. And plus, if you were any different then you wouldn’t be you. You know? And I love you just as you are.”