“Listen, I know it isn’t my place butwhatever happened – Cole looks about as good as you do,” she saidquietly. “He’s already come by several times to try to see you. I told him togive it another day,” she said quietly.
“Cole can go to hell,” I shot out,surprised by my anger, but relieved to feel it. I was tired of being sodesperately sad.
She looked at me carefully beforenodding simply.
“I think I’ll just watch some TV for alittle bit if that’s okay,” I said while standing up to stretch my stiff limbs.
“Whatever you need, babe,” she said.“I just got home from work and was planning to head to Wes’s. Will you be okayby yourself?” she asked worriedly.
“Totally,” I said as I nodded. Infact, it sounded great to have the place to myself. “I really appreciate youputting me up.”
“Don’t mention it, I’m barely everhere. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want,” she said with a warm smile.
I got changed into my pajamas andgrabbed a cozy throw blanket. I curled up on the couch and flipped on the TV asConnie gathered her stuff and headed out.
My phone chirped with the tenth textof the day from Cole, and I reached over and turned the thing off without evenlooking at what his message said. He couldn’t act that way with me and thenjust bombard me until I gave in. I needed space and time to collect myself. I’dbeen through a hell of a lot the last few days and I needed to feel safe andsecure. At the moment, that meant being alone.
I spent the next day pretty much well,wallowing. The two times I tried to leave the apartment to get some air, I wassoon followed by some bad ass biker. I was in no mood to have a chaperone, soeach time I just turned back around and huffed my way back into the house. WhatI really wanted was to be able to run off the confusion and hurt that I wasfeeling but my injuries prevented that option. Cole was giving me my space.He’d only texted once that day and because I missed him I couldn’t help butlook at it. It was simple and to the point.
“Miss you babe.”
I missed him, too. It hadn’t even beentwo full days, but I did. He’d become the center of my universe in such a shorttime. My heart belonged to him and I knew that it always would. But he’d hurtme during a time when I was most fragile and I was far from ready to answer anyof his calls.
Kat stopped by to inform me that Colefelt like utter shit. He told her sohimselfwhen heasked her how I was. She was still pissed at him, but even she had given intohis persuasive tendencies and seemed to be gently suggesting that I talk tohim. I’d given her an outright “no,” which had stopped her from pressing me.
Dinnertime came and went, but I wasn’thungry. I’d been mindlessly watching TV for a while when I heard the low rumbleof a motorcycle that started in the distance but kept coming closer. My heartstarted thudding in my throat at the unmistakable sound of it stopping outfront. A knock sounded at the door moments later.
“Shit,” I whispered to myself. I sunkdeeper into the couch hoping that he’d just go away.
“Not going away till you open the door,babe,” I heard his deep voice boom through the door.
“Shit,” I clipped, hauling off thecouch and stalking to the front door. I took a deep breath trying to calm myraging emotions and opened the door.
I hated that he was easily the mosthandsome man I’d ever seen. I hated that even though I was beyond pissed at him,my body still responded to him. I couldn’t help myself from taking him in, myeyes roaming over his face. He did look tired, his eyes were red and he clearlyhadn’t shaved in a while. Not that he did that regularly anyway. I noticed himdoing the same thing, taking in my swollen, red eyes, my hair thrown up in asloppy bun. If he didn’t want to look at me before there certainly wasn’tanything good to look at now.
“Gonnaletme in?” he asked quietly.
“Fuck no,” I replied withouthesitation.
He sighed and looked off to the side,biting his lip as though he was choosing his words carefully.
“What I said, it came out wrong,” hestarted.
“How the hell does ‘I can’t look atyou’ come out wrong?” I demanded, thankful that my anger hadn’t yet deserted mefor despair.
“My thoughts were all fucked up, I wasdrinking and having a really fucking hard time with everything that happened toyou.” He blew out a breath. “In that moment, looking at you just reminded mehow I didn’t protect you--knowing what he did to you and that he was able toget at you again,” he admitted. “Looking at you reminded me that I failed you,”he said, his voice raw. “It had nothing to do with you and everything to dowith me,” he said quietly.
“Okay,” I nodded.
“Okay?” he asked incredulously.
“Yeah, I understand. My shit is heavyand it’s more than most people could handle. I just thought maybe you could,” Isaid with feigning indifference. “But, I get it. No hard feelings.”
His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean,no hard feelings?” he demanded.
“I mean, no hard feelings. Take careof yourself,” I said, starting to close the door.
“What the fuck?” he demanded, puttinga hand forcefully on the front door preventing me from closing it.