“Yeah,” I say. “Supposedly, he knows how to keep his mouth shut. Not that I’m trying to hide anything, but I’m not really good at processing emotions. I’ll get there, eventually.”
“We understand, and Todd has always refused to tell us what you say to him,” he says. “You are allowed to have a life away from us, Sadie.”
“I know. I just always assumed that they would tell you. Sometimes you guys are just not the ones that I want to talk to,”I say. “Saying that aloud sounds really shitty. I just mean that sometimes what I want to talk about… is you guys.”
“I understand,” Dean says. “Like I said, you can have a life away from us. We’ve tried to get you to find some friends that are girls, but you don’t take very well to them.”
“I don’t have an issue with girls or anything. I just tend to get along better with guys, since I was bullied so severely by the girls in school. I never had issues with guys. Plus, all the girls just ended up liking you guys.”
“Well… that’s because everyone knew not to fuck with you,” Lance says.
“Yeah. Not to say more people would have bullied you or anything, but everyone knew what would happen if they fucked with you. The girls can really do a lot, but we helped when we could,” Dean continues.
“Yeah. You guys and basically the entire football team always stood up for me in high school,” I say.
“Well, either way,” Mason says. “Since we don’t have a meeting, we should talk.”
“About?” I ask innocently.
“About?” Dean asks, stepping close.
“What are you, a mockingbird?” I ask.
“How about we talk about how I had you coming on my hand Saturday night?” Dean asks as he grabs the back of my neck and lifts my chin with his thumb. “How about we talk about how you were fucking dripping for us by the time I teased that tight little pussy.”
“I’m a virgin. You can’t talk to me like that, or you’ll give me a heart attack,” I say, and he smirks. “I was given some solid advice today, and I’m gonna take it.”
“Which was?” Lance asks. He and Mason are so close that I can feel the warmth of everyone’s body surrounding me.
“Mhmm,” I say. “Todd said I need to make you all earn it and essentially reject you until the doubt that I have goes away.”
“Unfortunately, that’s really good advice,” Dean says. “Remind me to thank him later for that.”
“He’s right, though,” Lance says. “Nothing should happen if you have any doubt.”
“I don’t have any doubt in what I think or feel,” I say. “I have doubts about what you three think and feel. Also, I don’t even know what you think or feel… so… maybe that’s a good place to start.”
“I think this is a conversation better suited for home,” Dean says.
“You only say that because I can’t run away from you there,” I say.
“You did Saturday,” Dean shrugs.
“You let me run away. Don’t try to pretend like you couldn’t have stopped me,” I say, and he smiles.
“Even then, let’s talk about this at home,” he says as he pulls me closer and kisses my forehead.
He’s never done that. Not like that, at least. He’s never let his lips linger on me before, as if soaking in everything he can about me. He’s never pulled me against his chest and looked down at me like I’m next on the menu.
“Nu-uh. You can’t do that,” I say as I force myself to back up. He smirks at me, and it’s becoming apparent that they are going to push me until I break.
We are learning more about our relationship through a reverse perspective, where we were friends first and later developed into more. We have always shared this incredible bond together, but now that we are noticing these changes, we are having to step back and look at it in a different way to gain a deeper understanding of what the others are feeling. I always viewed our friendship as me falling for them, while they always saw me as someone equivalent to a sister. Now that I am finally accepting that I was wrong about how they saw me, I am having to go back and relearn all of the subtle hints they dropped over the last twenty years. They, in turn, have to do the same for me. They are also just now understanding my feelings, so they are having to go back and differentiate between the times I saw our relationship as a friendship and the times that I was hoping for more.
Chapter Five
Sadie
What a fucking tripthis week has been. All week, the guys have made a point to be more vocal with their feelings. That sounds simple, but when we got home on Monday, they got me to sit down and had me spell out my feelings for them. I was so uncomfortable, but they were patient with me, and not once did I feel like I was being judged.