He wants me to do this therapy thing where I talk about when Dad died. I don’t think about that day on purpose because it hurts. I know I need to find a way to process everything, but I feel selfish for thinking I have it so bad when you are the one suffering underneath Greg at night. God, his moans are so damn annoying. Does he have to use so much lube? Maybe he and Mom should pick a different position or something so he will leave you alone. Surely jerking off is better than fucking someone who doesn’t want you. Evil people don’t follow logic, though.
I lied to Grayson today. I told him the placement was next week, but it’s Friday. I’m afraid of losing him, and it feels like the moment I’m placed, I will. I know I’ll survive—He taught me that—but I don’t want to lose him. I feel like an idiot for thinking the things I do about him. I wish that we had met in a different way. Grew close under different circumstances. What is it called… Transference? I know that my feelings are just a delusion because he’s the only person in the world who has treated me with respect. He is all the good in the world, but it’s one-sided. I’m sane enough to know that. Maybe getting married and disappearing is the best for both of us?
Milly
Chapter Four
Milly
I stayed in myroom all night Wednesday, all day Thursday, and most of today. I have a session with Grayson at three, and the ceremony at six. I’m bringing my dress with me, but I don’t know what to expect.
Molly has been lying in bed since I got home on Wednesday. She doesn’t say anything or get up. She just stares at the wall or sleeps. She doesn’t even blink when I talk to her. I don’t understand what’s going on with her, but it’s like she’s ignoring me. She never does that.
I am sipping water as I stand at the kitchen table. I’m so fucking nervous for today that I’m nauseous.
I feel hands on my waist, but don’t get to turn around before I am pushed over the table. “Greg, let me up,” I snap at him. “Mom!”
“She’s not home,” he laughs as he pulls my dress up. “I’ve always wanted to take you like this.”
“Greg, stop! Let go of me!” I panic. “Stop it!”
He ignores my pleas and yanks my panties down. “Greg! Please stop. Please. Stop it. Don’t.”
“Oh, shut up,” he grunts before spitting into his palm a few times and jerking himself off to spread his saliva over his dick. I am sobbing by the time he forces his dick inside of me. It’s like someone has dumped cold water on my head, because I freeze. I stop fighting. I stop begging him to stop. I lie across the table and stare at the refrigerator as he forcefully fucks me. I’m so confused and I can’t tell what’s real.
“Come on. Cry for Daddy,” he moans. “Fuck, I love this cunt. You’re mine, Milly.”
I feel like I am separate from my body, watching from the outside. I don’t even recognize myself right now.
I’m suddenly alone. How much time has passed? I jump up from the table, and my panties are around my ankles. That disgusting sticky feeling is dripping down my inner thighs. I step out of my underwear before practically running to the bathroom. I’mrunning late, and I’m never late to see Grayson. I clean up the mess as quickly as I can, but opt to leave without new panties.
I choose to push aside what Greg did and just focus on driving. I won’t cry. I won’t say anything.
By the time I get to The Dove Institute, I am crying. My eyes are red and puffy. I grab my bags and jump out so I can run inside. People look at me like I’m insane, but I don’t stop. If I do, I might use it.
Use what?
I’m so confused.
Oh, right. I brought it.
Why?
Because Grayson will stop me.
He will help me.
He always helps me.
When I get to his office, I throw the door open, and it slams against the wall. The noise scares me, but not as much as the other man in the room who forces more tears down my cheeks.
“Milly,” Grayson says as he sets his tablet down and slowly steps toward me.
“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I’m late. I’m never late. I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay, Milly. I really need you to put that knife down, okay?” Grayson says calmly. “This is my friend Adam. Can he take it from you so we can talk?”
“What? I don’t…”