“I feel like this is a trick,” I admit with a frown.
“Why do you feel like I am tricking you?”
“I don’t know. You always ask me to explain. It feels like you are trying to catch me slipping or something,” I say with a shrug. “Like suddenly details won’t match up, and you’ll tell me I’m lying.”
“Have you ever blatantly lied to me before?”
“No,” I say. “I just tell you what I can remember. No sense in lying about it.”
“Okay. Have I ever accused you of lying?” he asks.
“No,” I sigh. “Never mind. Anyway. He came into the room and raped her. I held her hand and pretended to sleep as usual. He was a lot rougher with her than he has been lately. Maybe that’s why she was crying like that.”
“Like what exactly? Was something about the crying different?”
“She just sounded so… Broken,” I say. “I’m afraid that she might hurt herself. She doesn’t really talk to me much. She listens, but she’s just… Silent. I haven’t heard anything from her but crying in days.”
“Why do you think she might hurt herself?” Grayson asks. “Has she tried to?”
“No, she just… I don’t know how to explain it. She just seems to be giving up. I try to tell her that I will get her out, but I’m afraid she is giving up on the idea of being able to leave,” I explain.
“I know you’ve struggled after these incidents. How are you doing since that?”
“You’re going to lock me in the loony bin one day,” I laugh nervously.
“You laugh when you are nervous,” he says. “How deep was the cut this time?”
“Uh. It was deep, but not like… bad,” I say with a shrug. Grayson stands and retrieves his first aid kit before coming over to sit on the ottoman in front of me.
“Let’s see it. You are the world’s worst medic,” he jokes.
“How was I supposed to know duct tape wasn’t a good alternative?” I ask.
“Mhmm. Let’s see it, Milly,” he says with a smirk.
“It’s a little far up,” I say, stalling.
Grayson pulls the blanket off the back of the couch and hands it to me. “Turn and put your legs up. Cover up however you are comfortable.”
“You can’t get mad at me,” I say as I turn in my seat to stretch my legs out. My belly is crampy today, so this is more comfortable anyhow. I bet my period is coming soon. My birth control usually stops me from having a period, but occasionally one sneaks through.
“You know I would never get mad at you for this, Milly,” Grayson says. “You keep cutting deeper, though, so we really need to find you a coping skill that doesn’t cause you harm.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Short of whipping myself, who the fuck knows?”
“Whipping?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Sorry,” I laugh. “Greg made me take some stupid test. That’s why I was on campus early. It was asking some questions about pain tolerance and if I liked pain. I don’t know.”
“The marriage pact program?” he asks.
“Yeah. I guess.” I shrug.
“He is making you get married? When did they say your placement was?” he asks.
“Next week,” I lie. I don’t know why I lied. I could have just told him the truth. “Whoever wrote that test should be smacked for making me so bored.”
“Well, I’d prefer you didn’t smack me,” he laughs. I gasp, and he grins and shakes his head at me. “You didn’t know I wrote that test?”