“If you wish for a family, say so aloud. To yourself first. Then to him. It is harder to abandon a desire once it has a voice.”
“I am afraid he will not want it,” Maria said, sitting very still.
“You are also afraid that he will.” Violet’s smile was rueful. “Both fears are ordinary.”
The door opened again. Nicholas returned with Henry.
“Conquest complete,” he reported. “Two biscuits, one of them imaginary.”
“Imaginary biscuits are my favorite,” Violet said. “They make no crumbs.”
Nicholas leaned to press his cheek to hers, and the unselfconsciousness of it undid Maria utterly. She stood and crossed to the window to hide the sudden bright heat in her eyes.
It’s possible for them. Why could it not be possible for me?
Nicholas lowered Henry into the nurse’s arms and walked out of the room.
“Stay,” Violet said to Maria, again, “It would be nice.”
Maria looked from Violet to the corridor that led toward Nicholas’s study. She had come for a conversation about motherhood. Another conversation waited behind a different door.
“Nicholas is in his study,” Violet said, understanding perfectly. “Would you wish to go to him?”
“I do not wish to disturb him.”
“He is your brother,” Violet said immediately. “I don’t think he will be disturbed. Quite the opposite, if anything. He will be overjoyed with your presence. He speaks of you often.”
“Does he?” Maria said. It was still such a strange thing to her to be considered.
“You don’t have to do everything today,” Violet said. “But if you want to, you can.”
Maria stood. Her knees felt less uncertain than they had in weeks. She slipped her hands into one another and looked at Violet.
“I shall take your advice.”
Maria mustered up the last of her courage and decided to speak to Nicholas.
At the study door, she paused. Her heart tapped fast; her palm felt damp against the knob, and then she knocked.
“Come,” Nicholas called.
CHAPTER 17
When she walked in, Nicholas was neither surprised nor impatient, as if he had expected her precisely at this moment and had set the hour aside.
“Maria,” he said. “Will you sit, or walk? I can do either.”
“I will sit, if you please.” She took the chair he had drawn forward. It seemed impertinent to choose another when one had been chosen for her.
Nicholas did not return to the desk. He took the chair opposite, bringing himself level with her.
“I trust all is well with you?” he asked.
Maria could see the concern in his voice. She cleared her throat.
“Lovely weather we are having…”
Nicholas shot her a look, as though he could see right through her bluff. “Yes, but I suspect that you are not here to discuss the weather with me, are you?”