“It has been a while since we have been together,” Violet reminded her. “And if you wish for me to be truly earnest,then I must tell you it was difficult for me at the beginning to understand Nicholas.”
“Unbelievable,” Maria said again. “I am certain that he must have pursued you to the ends of the earth at your first meeting.”
“You are assuming quite a lot,” Violet laughed. “In earnest, Nicholas and I were not immediately comfortable around each other when we married. He had his own, well, it seems strange to say now, but his own rakish past that I had to find a way around.”
Maria’s mouth nearly dropped open.
Nicholas, a rake? No, she could hardly believe it. Granted, she had gotten to know him quite late in life, but the very image of him being interested in anyone that was not Violet made her jitter.
“You think I am making things up?” Violet said, still laughing. “It seems to me that your perceptions of love come from romance novels, and not real life.”
“I am not quite sure what my own perceptions of love are,” Maria admitted, a bit sadly now. “But yes, I would think that if things are going to work out, they must work out immediately or else what is the use in trying?”
“That is a limited way of thinking about things,” Violet said. “And in time, you will come to see that too, even if you do not right now.”
“And will you tell me what made him change?” Maria was genuinely curious now.
“He learned. The way people do, if they are loved and asked to be better. I watched him become a father, and it remade him.”
Maria considered that. The room felt very still.
“Sometimes I think I want that,” she said, quiet but sure. “Not simply a husband, but a home.”
It was the first time that Maria had ever admitted such a desire out loud, let alone to herself, than to anyone else in the world.
Violet set her cup aside and reached for Maria’s fingers. “Then you want something good,” she said simply. “There is no shame in that.”
“I used to believe wanting made me troublesome.” Maria’s gaze dropped.
“It makes you alive.” Violet’s mouth bent wryly. “And occasionally troublesome, which is not a sin.”
“I am still learning that, unfortunately,” Maria said.
Every now and then, she got this sense that there was more life to be experienced than the one that she had gotten so far.
Yes, there was more life than what she had seen in the nunnery. She got glimpses of it every now and then. Evening the feeling of love, god forbid if she was even in love, felt like a new experience.
And then, the heartbreak that would surely follow. Yes, that would be a new feeling too, entirely. However, Maria was not sure if she wanted to experience that part.
“You will learn,” Violet said. “All in due time, I say. Things have worked out well for you so far, and I am certain that they will continue to do so.”
“I am not so sure about that,” Maria muttered under her breath.
But before they could continue their conversation, the door burst open before Maria could answer, and a small figure hurtled in.
“Mama!”
Violet’s entire face lit. “Sir,” she said gravely as her son flung himself into her skirts. “Have you tamed the beast?”
“He flies,” Henry declared, presenting the wooden horse for inspection. “I made him. With oats.”
“Oats are a notorious aid to aviation,” Violet agreed solemnly, lifting him to her hip. “Say hello to your Aunt Maria.”
The boy turned, “Aunt M’ria.”
Maria’s chest tightened.
“Hello, Henry,” she managed, and offered a fingertip. He considered, then patted it.