“I—yes, I’m turning you down.”
“Why? You don’t think this would be a worthy match for you? You don’t think I would make a good husband?”
“You know that isn’t it,” she managed, her voice barely a whisper. Why was he pressing this? What was his goal here? Didn’t he see that she was struggling? Was he going to make her say it again, when she had barely managed to say it the first time?
“You know that I care about you, don’t you?” he asked her.
“I know that.” She wanted to look away from him, but his eyes seemed to have her pinned in place. She felt incapable of even turning her head from him. “What are you doing, Gabriel? What is this?”
“I’m asking you to really think about it,” he said. “You said you wanted this moment. You said you wanted to refuse me.”
“I did refuse you.”
“You said no to me because you thought you had to,” he countered. “You said no because you promised to say no. It’s that simple. You didn’t consider the question and make a decision, and that isn’t a real rejection, Agnes. That’s just…like you said. Saying your lines. Is that what you want this to be? A recitation?”
“No,” she whispered.
It was true. When she had made her list, she hadn’t envisioned this item as simple role-play. It did seem like cheating to tell a man to ask for her hand specifically so that she could turn him down. That wasn’t real.
“Are you…really asking me?” she managed. “Is this a real question?”
“You didn’t want to say the words. You wanted to turn down a real proposal,” he said. “That was what you told me. And you can’t do that without a real proposal, so I’m giving you one. A real one.”
“And if I say yes…”
“If you say yes, we’ll be engaged to be married.”
He was watching her closely. He had put so much trust in her, she realized.
He wouldn’t have done this if he had been unwilling to consider the possibility of what might happen.
He wouldn’t have asked her this—not in the way he was, not with all this sincerity—if he wasn’t willing to follow through.
She could accept his proposal right now, and if she did, the two of them would be married. Really married.
She inhaled sharply, feeling a shudder pass through her.
I don’t want that. I don’t.Maybe repeating it to herself would make it true.
“No,” she said. “I’m saying no. I’m not going to marry you.”
“You don’t think I would do it? You don’t think I would want to?”
“I…” She swallowed hard.
“I’m telling you that I will,” he said. “I’m telling you we can get married, and I’ll be happy with that outcome. I’m telling you to say yes to me.”
Maybe he would do it. Maybe he would even be content. But happy? No. He’s only doing this because I asked him to do it. I’m not going to fall into it, no matter how nice it sounds.
She shook her head. “I’m not going to,” she said. “I’m not going to say yes.”
“Why? Because it was on your list to say no? That isn’t a reason,” he told her. “The list was made so that you would have meaningful experiences in your life, Agnes, and you can’t deny that a marriage would be a massive thing to experience. Saying yes to me would be a much bigger adventure than saying no would.”
He was right. Her heart pounded. Her head spun.
“And you know that I could take care of you,” he said. “I could provide everything you would need for the rest of your life. I’d never make any demands of you. You would be free to live however you wanted to, and you wouldn’t have to worry about my expectations. You wouldn’t have to worry about the disdain of society either—that would go away for you. You would have everything you wanted. There’s no reason to say no to this. It’s the best offer you could hope to get.”
He’s right. He’s right. What am I doing? I’ll never get an offer like this one again.And to be married to him…oh, goodness. I’d like it.