Agnes laughed. “Would anyone even be surprised to hear such things about me?” she asked. “Think of it. What you’re saying—these are things people already believe about me, Violet, because I’m a spinster. Because I’ve never sought to marry. Everyone thinks I’m scandalous already. If you asked everyone in Londonto guess who they thoughtmightread this book, my name would come up very quickly.”
“And is that why you want to do it?” Violet leaned forward. “You want to prove them right?”
“Violet, she only wants to accomplish one of the items on her list,” Dorothy said with a wave of her hand. “Most of them are impossible, but this is the one that might be able to be done, so it’s the right one to focus on. And after all, it really is only a book. Controversial , yes, but what harm can it do?”
“Oh, I suppose that’s true,” Violet sighed. “And if it gets this nonsense out of your system and off of your mind, Agnes, it will have been worth it.”
Agnes didn’t answer. She didn’t feel as if she could.
Neither of her friends had properly understood her dedication to her list. They didn’t realize she wasn’t choosing one item to check off as a token gesture. She meant to complete the whole thing. This book was just the start. But if she had told them that, she suspected that even Dorothy would stop supporting her endeavors and try to bring her to her senses. She didn’t want to argue with both of them at once.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “There’s no way for me to read it. The Duke of Bellmoor hasn’t responded to my letters. I don’t think he’s open to the idea of loaning me a book from his library.”
“Well, wedoknow where the book is,” Dorothy said slowly. “I could tell you exactly where in his library you could find it.”
“What good does that do me? Do you think I should write him again and explain where the book is located? I’m sure he knows which one I’m talking about.”
“No, that wasn’t my point,” Dorothy said. “What I’m saying is…what if you just went and got it?”
“Went into hishouse?” Violet interjected, sitting up straighter.
“It’s probably a foolish idea,” Dorothy said.
“It’sdefinitelya foolish idea! This is completely out of hand. I can’t believe you’re even considering it, Agnes.”
For Agnes was frowning, her gaze suddenly far off. “I know it’s a lot to think about,” she murmured. “And maybe it is foolish. But if it meant I might get my hands on that book, maybe I would be willing to try.”
“I think you need to go to church,” Violet said firmly. “I think both of you do. This is an utterly ridiculous proposition.”
“I could do it, though,” Agnes murmured. “I could sneak in through the servants’ entrance. If I chose the right clothing, I might not be noticed. I could grab the book and sneak back out, and no one would be the wiser.”
“And what would happen when the duke realized his book was missing?” Violet demanded. “He would know you were the one who had taken it. He has letters from you asking to borrow it.”
“He might not notice for a while, though,” Agnes said. “I might have time to finish reading it. Then I could get it back. Maybe even before he noticed what had happened. It’s possible.”
“You’re mad,” Violet murmured.
But Agnes didn’t think she was. Suddenly, she had a plan that seemed to make sense. A way to advance in her goal of getting this scandalous book in her hands and having the opportunity to read it. It was an ambition she pursued single-mindedly, to distraction, and now it seemed that a door might have opened for her.
It had always been a distant possibility that the duke would allow her to borrow the book. Even if he was willing to do her a favor, he would be taking a risk himself by associating with her, especially to give her such a scandalous book. People would think less of him for it.
But this would get both of them around that concern. No one could fault him for having had something stolen from him. No one could think any the less of him for that.
She knew Violet was only worried about what would happen to her. This could damage Agnes’ reputation, and she was well aware of that. Just because she wasn’t highly thought of in society, that didn’t mean things couldn’t get worse for her.
But on the other hand, nothing was going to getbetterif she didn’t take action.
The thing that frightened her more than any other was the idea that her life was over. That at thirty years of age, she might have already had all the excitement she was going to get in life, and now she would spend the rest of her days wasting away in this quiet home, at peace, but without any adventure to speak of.
I have to try this,she realized.I have to make the most of this opportunity. If it means that I might get one step closer to completing my list, it’s worth it. It’s worth any risk that might be involved.
She sat quietly, pondering what lay ahead, while her friends moved the conversation to easier topics. She nodded along, smiling, and was agreeable. She listened. She sipped her tea.
But her thoughts were already miles away, at the duke’s estate.
Already, she was beginning to plan what would happen when next she had the chance to go out.
CHAPTER 2