‘I don’t know.’ My God, why am I telling him that?Yeswould have been the right answer and I should have said it. Loud and clear.
Still, here I am standing in front of the apartment building, with Jaden, under millions of stars, and I want to stay. Do what I feel like doing right now, just once.
Now he leans toward me, a knowing expression ruling his face. It’s about to happen, yet I don’t back away.
Only a few more centimeters, then our lips will touch.
A fierce tingling rushes through me.
I should put an end to this, right now, or else…
He turns his head so that instead of our lips, only our cheeks touch. ‘Sleep well, Nyla.’ His breath brushes my ear, his lips my temple. ‘See you tomorrow.’
My heart is pounding hard in my chest. It wants more than tomorrow. It wants now.
Unable to say anything in response, I nod, and he lets go of me. He looks deeply into my eyes one last time, then turns around and runs off.
I watch him go, see how the darkness swallows him, and try to comprehend what has just happened here.
What has been happening all evening.
What could happen tomorrow.
Confused and with knees far too weak, I unlock the front door. In the elevator going up, I look at my reflection.
Shining eyes. Soft pink cheeks. Gentle smile.
I look happier than I have in a long time, but that’s not all. I also look healthier than I have in a long time.
Maybe I even am.
When I open the door to the shared apartment a little later, I am surprised to find Sonora in the hallway. In a skimpy sleep shirt and clearly disoriented.
‘Uhhh.’ Her sleep-dazed gaze rests on me. ‘Looks like someone had a nice evening.’
‘Possibly.’ It was way too beautiful, to be exact. So beautiful that I want to hold on to it a little longer, him and this feeling it triggered in me. Still, I can feel it slowly sneaking out of my body.
Sonora brushes her wild curls off her forehead and leans against the wall. ‘Were you out with someone in particular?’
‘Maybe.’ I can feel myself blushing, even though nothing happened between us today. Well, almost nothing. At least he didn’t try to kiss me.
But I wanted him to. Desperately. And more than once. Yet now the last bit of happiness is slowly dissolving inside me. Soon I’ll be myself again. The twenty-five-percent Nyla whose odds could already take a drastic turn for the worse today.
The Nyla I don’t want to be.
‘Tell me more.’ Sonora rubs her eyes, as if she’s determined to stay awake.
I shake my head. ‘I really need to go to bed.’
‘Yeah, I should probably go back to sleep too,’ she replies. ‘I’m just going to grab something to drink.’
We hug briefly, then I head for my room. Technically, I should have been asleep four hours ago. My sleep stats for tonight are going to be disastrous. But they probably would have been anyway, because the fear of my appointment with the oncologist today would definitely have kept me awake. This way, at least I filled a few hours of the waiting time with pleasant thoughts.
When I open my bedroom door, I start to ponder. Maybe Jaden is right when he says it’s better not to think about the future all the time. Maybe he’s right that, by doing that, you miss out on part of the present.
‘Sleep well,’ Sonora whispers in my direction.
My hand on the doorknob, I turn back to her. ‘You too.’