Of course he does it on purpose, and it’s silly, but it still makes me laugh.
He shrugs. ‘The sun was in my eyes.’
The wordsthe sun was in my eyesecho inside me, and all at once I see myself standing on the coast of Thailand, salty wind in my hair, my arms stretched wide.
Underneath me the waves thunder against the cliffs. My heart is pounding, adrenaline is rushing through my veins. Next to me someone calls my name. The student I metbackpacking last week, camera in hand, laughing because she knows I’m really going to do it.
‘Just jump! Don’t think about it!’ she yells.
I blink against the sun, which hangs so bright in the sky that it bathes everything in a golden blur. Then I take a deep breath, step forward … and let myself fall.
For the space of a heartbeat, nothing exists but the rush of freedom and the feeling of being invincible.
I haven’t thought about that day in ages, but now the memory is suddenly so close it feels like it was yesterday. I reach for the little suitcase on my bracelet and feel it even more intensely. That feeling from back then is still inside me. And it’s beautiful.
‘Then let’s see what you’ve got.’ Jaden points to the three balls in front of me.
The memory still glows unchanged in my chest as I pick up the first ball. With a broad smile on my face, I throw it toward the largest pyramid, which immediately collapses in on itself.
‘Boooom,’ I shout and jump into the air with joy. It’s only a few cans I’ve knocked over, yet a fierce feeling of happiness stirs inside me.
Jaden stares at me, obviously so impressed by my throw that his mouth is left hanging open.
‘You see?’ I gesture expansively at the chaos. ‘If you calculate the influence of light and gravity correctly, it’s no problem at all.’
His gaze grows more intense. ‘You are…’
‘What am I?’ I turn to him, a pleasant tingling spreading through me.
He doesn’t answer, just looks at me the same way he looked at me yesterday in the ambulance, right before…
‘Congratulations. Which prize would you like?’ someone asks from somewhere very far away.
Jaden and I continue to look at each other unchanged. My heart beats knowingly in my chest, quietly calling for his closeness. The corners of my mouth lift, just like his.
There is this liberated feeling inside me and I don’t want to let it go, don’t want to worry for a moment about every possible and impossible thing.
I want to do it. Kiss Jaden until I can’t breathe anymore. Forget what happened yesterday or what might come tomorrow. Be happy.
Just here.
Just us.
Just now.
‘Miss, your prize.’ Someone grabs my arm. I flinch, tear myself away from the sight of Jaden, and recognize the friendly face of the stall owner. ‘Pick something out.’
In a daze, I let my gaze wander over the prizes stacked everywhere on the shelves. A red parachute backpack catches my attention. It’s one of those toy models you throw into the air so it slowly sails to the ground.
And again a memory forces its way up inside me.
I’m standing at the edge of the door, the wind whipping in my face and my heart pounding like crazy.
‘Okay, on three we go.’ I feel someone hugging me from behind. ‘One.’
The world beneath me is a huge carpet of colors and shapes, the horizon seems endless.
‘Two.’