Chapter 37
Elina
My shoulders are heavy, my eyelids swollen. I feel like a ghost. Not here, yet not gone.
In this state, I shouldn't be working. And I actually have the day off today. After all, Noah and I were supposed to be in Munich.
He was supposed to take the first step toward overcoming his trauma with yesterday's visit to Klaus.
We were supposed to laugh together. Kiss until we couldn't breathe. And feel our love flood us with warmth and security.
But here I am. And I am alone.
Since Noah stormed out of my former professor Klaus's practice, I haven't seen him. He doesn't respond to my calls and doesn't open the door for me. He returned the letter I wrote to him, explaining everything, unopened. If it hadn't been for Hanna and Florian's cabin happening to be vacant, I wouldn't have had a place to stay.
Dammit. When I discovered that Klaus had a practice in Munich during my research, I couldn't believe my luck. The plan was perfect. How could it go so wrong?
"Wow." Clara meets me in the hallway, looking at me with a mischievous grin. "You guys sure had a wild party in Munich."
Lost in thought, I nod. Even lifting and lowering my head is an effort.
Clara hooks her arm through mine and pulls me toward the kitchen. "First, you're getting a coffee. And then I want to hear all about your trip."
An exhausted sigh escapes my lips. What am I supposed to tell her? So much has happened in the past twenty-four hours that my mind is in complete chaos. I don't know anything anymore.
Not who I am. Not what I'm doing. And certainly not why I'm even here.
There's only one thing that's so clear it can penetrate the gray in my thoughts: Noah doesn't love me. And maybe he never did.
Yes. He's just like all the other men who wanted to conquer the world for me, only to tear the ground from under my feet a few weeks later.
"You probably want a jumbo cup, right?" I hear Clara's muffled voice as if through cotton.
She continues to pull me along. Opens a door. Directs me to a solid wooden table.
I plop down on the corner bench like a stone into water and lower my gaze. The grain of the table surface blurs before my eyes.
How could I be so foolish again?
I didn't want to listen to Clara, Helene, or Maya. They all warned me. And even though Noah was never dangerous and never will be in the future, his words yesterday hurt me more than any actions ever could.
"There you go." Clara places a brimming coffee cup in front of me and sits down on the opposite wooden chair. Then she rests her arms on the table and leans forward. "Shoot."
Silently, I reach for my coffee and take a big sip even though I know it won't help me.
Nothing can help me.
"Noah has left me," I say with a shaky voice.
Clara's lively expression instantly vanishes. Deep furrows appear on her forehead as she reaches for my hands. "Shit."
At least she doesn't ask for the details. I give her a grateful nod.
"What can I do for you?" she asks. I can see in her expression that she would do anything to help me.
If my lips weren't so heavy, I would smile now. "You're a great friend, Clara. But there's nothing..."
"I can get some ice cream. Or we can have a drink," she suggests with a conspiratorial raise of her eyebrows. "Do you want to talk or be alone?"