I close the folder I just finished processing. "And you can always go clubbing. At the Danube Canal, inthe city center, there are a lot of clubs." Tears almost well up in my eyes as I reminisce about the wild nights I’ve experienced there. The dancing, the atmosphere, life in its purest form. "Would you like to see some photos?"
She immediately stops working. "Absolutely."
I pull out my mobile phone from the pocket of my white work pants and unlock the screen. "Here I am with my friends at Flex." We all raise our wineglasses, grinning widely into the camera as if we were on cloud nine. The vibrant lights add to the magic.
"Wow." Clara leans closer to me, her red braids tickling my forearm.
I show her more pictures from that night. With each photo, the mood becomes more exuberant. Eventually, I come across a snapshot of me backstage at a concert two days before the club visit. I’m wearing loose-fitting trousers and a tight white top. "Oh, you’ll definitely like this," I say with a grin, moving on to the next picture. "Do you happen to know the man next to me?" I hold out my phone so Clara can get a better view.
Without a second’s hesitation, her eyes widen. "Oh my God! You’ve met Joshua Friedberg?"
"More than that." I can’t help but feel a warm surge of pride filling me. "He’s my best friend Maya’s boyfriend." And what a couple they are... A longing sigh escapes my lips. When they first met, nothing was easy between them. Nothing at all. Yet they found their way to each other, just like in a Hollywood movie, and today, their love is so strong that no storm could ever shake it.
That’s what I wish for too. A man like Josh by my side. Someone who’s always there for me, no matterwhat. Someone I can confide in. Someone who loves me without me having to constantly fight for it.
"Elina?" I suddenly hear Clara ask. "Are you okay?"
Quickly, I straighten up. Indeed, my eyes are so moist that I have to blink to see my phone screen again.
"Yeah, sure." Clearing my throat, I swipe to the next picture. It’s from last summer, showing my life as it used to be. Before I ruined my career. I strike a pose in a glamorous glitter jumpsuit on a bright red sofa. The sewn-on crystals are fake, but they look fabulous in the photo. "This is theRed Room. This cocktail bar is legendary. You can’t get in without the right outfit." Nostalgia fills me, especially when I see the next picture. There’s the guy I met there. He was extremely hot.
And married, as I found out three months later.
I move on to the next picture. "In the summer, there’s an open-air film festival at Rathausplatz. See the food stalls?" I point out the wooden chalets, with the crowds of people squeezing past.
"Mm-hmm." Clara seems to be at a loss for words.
"There, you can try all sorts of unique dishes. Every year, we get a portion of everything and share it while watching the film. Usually, they screen grand operas." In my mind, I hear the captivating melodies ofLa Traviataonce again, and I can still feel the hot kisses of the passionate tapas chef on my lips, who I was there with last year. In the brief moments of pause, he promised to never let me go.
Only to tell me three months later that he was in Austria illegally and would be deported if I didn’t marry him.
He was never really interested in me as a person.And I, the idiot, didn’t realize it because of my stupid craving for love and attention.
That’s over. Once and for all. No matter how much I still crave the same, I must not give in to it anymore.
"I want to experience that too." Clara sounds as melancholic as me when I move on to the next photo.
It shows me at the aquarium in front of the shark tank. Funny enough, it looks like one of the sharks is swimming toward me with its mouth wide open. "This too?" I ask, forcing a smile on my face.
"All of it," she says, her legs fidgeting with excitement. "And I want to ride the Ferris wheel, go shopping on Graben, and see the Lipizzaner horses at the Hofburg."
I nod in agreement. "Vienna has so much to offer. There’s nothing you can’t do there."
"Why did you leave?" Clara leans on the reception counter with wide-open eyes.
Suddenly, my dreamy mood dissipates into thin air.
She asked the worst possible question.
As casually as possible, I shrug. "I didn’t have a choice," I say, trying with all my might not to think back to that one specific memory.
I’m working on getting that back. That’s the only thing I allow myself to focus on. Since my arrival here, I’ve sent out five more applications to clinics in Salzburg, Vienna, and Graz. Because nothing is ever lost as long as you don’t give up on it. It’s as simple as that.
"Why?" Clara pouts, pushing her lower lip forward. "In Vienna, you have so many more opportunities than here in the middle of nowhere."
"It’s a long story." I make a laborious attempt at asmile. Then I put my phone back in my pocket and look around, pretending to be focused. "We should carry on, don’t you think?"
She wrinkles her nose. "If we must..."
Yes, we must. If only to prevent her from asking any more probing questions that no one wants to hear.