I clasp her waist. “Cat.”
She moves away, pushing my arm so my hand falls from her body. She flashes me a brilliant smile, but her eyes are stormy. “It’s not. Let’s eat so we can get back on the road.”
“Cat. Wait.”
“Can’t we just eat? Without making it a thing?” She sits down and grabs the bread, tearing off a hunk and putting it on a paper plate in front of her. “It’s getting late, and we want to spend plenty of time with your mom.”
I sigh. She’s upset that I stopped, but what was I supposed to do? This is the time for restraint.
I sit down next to her. “I don’t want to fuck you against a tree. Is that so terrible?”
Her head snaps toward me, and she shakes her head, holding up her hands. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It was a kiss. It happens. Nobody said anything about sex.”
I open my mouth to speak, but she cuts me off. “Why are you making such a big deal about this? We shared a nice kiss. Now we’re going to eat lunch. It’s a pretty day. The sky is bright, the weather warm. Why can’t you just enjoy it instead of questioning and making everything awkward?”
Because she has thoughts—I don’t know what they are, but I know they’re wrong. Because she went from liquid to tense in an instant, and I don’t really understand why. Because she’s trying too fucking hard to be cheerful and pretend she’s casual when she’s anything but.
I can tell by the mulish set of her jaw that if I go on, everything will turn to shit, and that’s not what I want.
So I nod. “Sorry. Let’s eat.”
“Nothing to be sorry about.” She points to the bread. “Dig in.”
I guess that’s the end of that.
Cat
As I chew, the fluffy, delicious bread is like a rock in my mouth. I try to tell myself to calm down, that I’m being too telling, too obvious, and downright silly. I know Caden notices, and as much as I tell myself to stop it, I can’t seem to figure out how to be natural.
Because I’m upset for the most ridiculous reason.
To his point, he’s being a gentleman. What do I think? That we should have sex against the tree? Like a couple of wild animals?
I frown down at my plate.
Yeah, that’s exactly what I wanted.
Over the years, I’ve trained myself to be contained, and Caden’s the first man I’ve come in contact with that threatens that. Whenever he touches me, I want to go wild. I want to forget everything and go crazy. I want to remember what it’s like to shuck off restraint, forget everything, and justfeel.
I can’t get over the feeling that while he clearly wants me, and is attracted to me, he doesn’t feel that passion for me. If he did, how could he just stop, over and over again with so little effort?
It frustrates me. I want us to be even.
While I want to throw away the civility between us, he wants to embrace it.
I want him to want to throw me up against the first available flat surface and be unable to help himself.
I shake my head.
Maybe I’ve been around Gwen and Jackson too long, caught them too many times when they were clearly desperate and out of control for each other.
I didn’t think I wanted that, but I see now I’ve been fooling myself.
I do. I’m jealous of it. And the only man to come along and strike that match in me works for me, has a self-destructive streak, has no direction in life, will probably hightail it out of town at the first sign of trouble, and is content to just kiss me.
With restraint.
I really know how to pick ’em, don’t I?