Once again, I’ve managed to screw things up beyond repair. But I still ask the question because I can’t help myself. “What about us?”
She meets my eyes with her steely gaze. “You and I are through.”
Late that night, I sit on the rocking chair, looking for signs of Cat outside on her balcony and thinking. I see no sign of her, not even the light that sits on her bedside table. I’m not surprised, but hope is dogging me.
I have decided one thing, though.
I’m done running.
Done making the wrong decisions.
I’m ready to face my mistakes.
And I’m going to get Cat back.
I don’t know how, but I’m not letting her go without a fight. Even if it takes me until I’m old and gray, I’m going to stick. If I have to spend the rest of my life proving it, fine.
Because that’s the crux of why she can’t trust me—she thinks I’m going to run. She sees the pattern. She doesn’t think she can depend on me. She believes that when things get rough, I’ll bail, just like I did before. Just like her daddy did.
It’s clear now.
Problem is, I have a shit track record. So I’m going to have to figure out a way to show her she’s not wrong to trust me, that I will support her and love her the way she deserves.
I don’t know how yet, but I know where to start.
With the past.
24
Cat
In the end, he didn’t even fight me on the decision—just nodded with acceptance, let me get up and leave.
Which means I’ve made the right choice. I’ll admit, during his story, I wavered. I understood it, how he felt. In the end, Caden and I were searching for the same thing.
Home.
Our place where we belonged.
We both hid when things got rough. We might go about it in different ways, but it amounted to the same thing.
I got it, and because I love him, I wanted to forgive, accept the past, and agree to put it all behind us.
I almost said the words. But when the time came, I couldn’t do it.
I needed something more, and the confessions he made weren’t enough.
There’s an irony here—I see that. I’ve gone along for so long, accepting what came my way, and now, when I want more than anything to accept what Caden has to give, I can’t. I picked a horrible time to demand more, but I can’t go back.
Once you see, it can’t be unseen.
I let myself grieve. I holed up in my room and cried and did all the things a brokenhearted woman should do. But something miraculous happened too: I didn’t shrivel back into my safe shell. Impossibly, I became even more determined to deal with my life. So at four in the morning, I sent a meeting request to my family, ready to deal with the consequences of my failed love affair.
As I walk into our small conference room now, I might feel like death warmed over, I might want to cry, and my voice is hoarse, but I cannot go back, no matter how much I want to. I’m showing up, even though it’s hard.
Gwen, Jackson, and Wyatt are waiting for me.
They fall silent, all shifting their worried attention to me.