11
Abby
I’ve made my decision.
I’m sitting here in my new, skimpy electric-blue dress and mile-high silver strappy sandals, waiting for Lukas to take me to a sex club—one of the last items on the list that started this all—and I’m completely calm. Resolute.
The bravery I’ve been building for the last six weeks has done its job, because I’m about to be very brave, and I have no fear.
I have no idea what the night will hold or how it will end, but the time has come to take charge of my life and my happiness. Like the fateful night I’d propositioned Lukas, I’m going for it.
Although this time I don’t have tequila as fuel. All I have is me.
I straighten in my chair. This time I face my future with a clear head.
The clock strikes eight and the doorbell rings. Like he’s been doing for weeks, he doesn’t wait for me to answer but opens the front door. His head cautiously peeks through the door like a turtle coming out its shell. “Abby?”
“I’m in here,” I call, amazed at my steady nerves. After a wreck of an afternoon, alternating between anger, fear and tears, as soon as I’d made my decision, an eerie calm descended over me.
Lukas wasn’t the only action I’m taking.
I’d called my parents and told them I was sick of every event in my life turning into the Eden show and I wasn’t going to put up with it anymore.
Then I called Eden and told her she was no longer my sister until she cleans up her act.
Now, I waited to find out my fate with Lukas.
He walks into the living room, looking dark and dangerous in all black. Brown hair tousled, his hands are tucked into pockets as he leans against the wall, gaze wary. As he gives me a long, slow onceover, a muscle in his jaw ticks.
“You look gorgeous.” The words are matter-of-fact.
The automatic denial sits perched on my lips but I bite it back, squaring my shoulders. “Thank you.”
He glances at the couch. “Can I sit?”
“Of course.” I nod.
Well, this is going rather formally.
He perches on the edge of the sofa, splaying his knees and lacing his fingers. “Are you ready to talk about today?”
My stomach jumps. This is it. My heart takes off in a gallop, breaking through the hazy peace that has enveloped me the last couple of hours. The only way out is in and I dive, unable to procrastinate any longer. “I can’t do this anymore.”
What looks a lot like anger flashes across his expression before his eyes go flat. “What can’t you do?”
“This. Us. It’s not enough.” Nausea rises thick in my throat and I want to choke on it. But I can’t back down, I have to do this.
He runs a hand through his hair and expels a long, hard breath. “I promised myself I’d stay calm, but fuck, Abby.” He jerks up from the couch and starts to pace. Stalking around the room like a caged jungle cat. “I don’t understand. I thought everything was going great between us, and after one crappy afternoon you’re ready to throw it all away?”
“I’m sorry.” It’s harder than I thought. I bite my lip to squash the threatening tears before I continue. “Today forced me to realize I can’t be casual. I need more. I deserve more. I can’t be second best all my life, Lukas.”
He stops in his tracks and slowly looks at me, the ice in his eyes chilling me to the bone. “Don’t put that on me, babe, you do that all on your own.”
I want him gone so I can curl up on the couch and bawl until there’s nothing left before picking up the pieces of my life. “I’m not saying I don’t have some things to work through, but it doesn’t change the facts.”
He storms over, grabs my shoulders and hauls me off the chair. “You know what your problem is, you’re so caught in the facts you’ve missed the big picture.”
His vehemence shocks me, keeps me frozen, but I manage to say, “I see everything clearly.”