And just like that, I snap out of it.
What am I thinking? This is Lukas. He’s not going to get swept away by a pretty face.
I nod. “Yes.”
“We’ll talk about this when we get home.” His words soothe me, calm me down.
Home. Lately, he’s taken to doing that. Treating our houses like a mutual dwelling. It makes me ache for a real future with him, one I’m scared to reach out for and grab. But I’ll think about that later.
For now, I need to get through this meal.
I take a deep breath.
I can do this. All I need is a moment to compose myself. Get back on my game.
I turn to the table. “Please excuse me.”
Minutes later, I stand over the restroom sink washing my hands under cold water, letting the icy liquid flow over my fingers and jolt me out of my pity party.
This stops now.
I will not allow the past and a strained relationship with my sister color my perception of reality. I’ve been doing that for too long and it needs to end. I know who Lukas is and he’s not going to abandon me because Eden is hot.
I know better than that.
I take a cleansing breath. When will I finally believe, in that deep-down soul level, that I’m not less of a person because I’m not as pretty as Eden? When would that magical day come when I recognize my value?
This…feeling, the dread in my stomach, it has nothing to do with Lukas and everything to do with me.
“You’re out of your league, you know.”
Lost in thought, I hadn’t heard the door open, but Eden stands in the threshold in all her glory.
She’s buzzed and mean. I can see it in her glazed eyes, the determination to cut me. I understand I have things to work on, but when she’s like this the best thing to do is get away from her as fast as possible. I meet her gaze in the mirror. “I’m not going to discuss Lukas with you.”
Eden lets the door swing closed behind her. She smirks. “Don’t fool yourself, girls like you don’t end up with guys like him.”
The statement is a direct hit. Eden always knows where to plunge the knife deepest for the most damage. My bravado is shaken but it’s still there. I don’t have to take this from her.
I can take another course of action than disappearing into the background.
I turn off the faucet, shaking my hands. “Maybe not, but don’t foolyourself, he won’t end up with a girl like you either.”
Eden runs a hand over her perfect hips, encased in skintight white. “Keep telling yourself that, little sister.”
This is about her, not me.
I dry my hands and turn around, looking my sister square in the eye. I don’t have complete control of my life yet, I might be uncertain about my future with Lukas and fighting a mess of insecurities—but I can stop taking crap from my sister right this second. I can use my strengths, my brain and sharp tongue to hit back.
I take a deep breath and raise my chin. “I won’t deny it. You are a beautiful woman and there are plenty of men in this world who will fall for you in a heartbeat. You are clearly perfect eye candy.” I take two steps forward and I’m pleased to see Eden’s vicious smile wavers. I tilt my head. “But the thing is, Eden that’s all you are. Which is a shame because you could be so much more.”
With the strength of my words, my spine straightens a little more and the weight I’ve been carrying around for too many years to count, eases a little.
Eden tosses her hair over her shoulder and looks down her nose like the cliché of an evil queen in a Disney movie. “I’m doing just fine. And what would you know? Unlike you, I understand men, and they don’t like prissy, perfect girls.”
I smile. “Yeah, well, the good ones—the guys like Lukas who will really love you—don’t like vapid, washed-up alcoholics either. You’re thirty-two, don’t you think it’s time you did more with your life than spread your legs for the next guy to offer you a Grey Goose martini?”
Eden gasps, her model-high cheekbones splashing with pink.