I glance in the mirror, blink, and come into focus. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I really look at my reflection. High color stains my cheekbones and my lips are full and swollen from Lukas’s kisses. Instead of dismissing my hair as mousy, I study it, seeing the streaks of gold highlighting the rich brown, the way it curves over my shoulders and flatters my features. With the makeup the woman applied earlier today, my brown eyes looked big and luminous. I assess my body, which I’ve always viewed as functional and average, and see something else. My breasts are full, my waist curves before flaring out to hips I’ve always deemed too large. But I see now how they fit my frame. How it all comes together in a pleasing way I’ve been taking for granted because I don’t look at myself much.
I take in the dress in a different way than I had in Nordstrom’s dressing room. This afternoon I’d only looked at it as a way to meet Lukas’s criteria.
Now I study how it fitsme.
I admit, it looks pretty good, but it feels like Eden, not me. Next time I go shopping, I’ll pick something because it suits my tastes, and nobody else’s. Because I like it and feel good in it.
Maybe this experience will teach me about more than just sex. Maybe, by the end of this, I’ll learn who I want to be.
* * *
When I returnto the table, the waiter has delivered the entrees and removed our untouched salads.
I slide into the booth, and Lukas gives me a positively smug grin, before he looks me up and down. “And?”
Okay, in the bathroom I’d had a major life-altering discovery and proof that I like everything he’s doing to me. But I can’t exactly admit it out loud. I shrug. “Maybe you have a tiny point.”
He roars with laughter and gestures to my plate. “Eat something.”
I have no idea how I can possibly eat at a time like this. Not only am I going to have sex with my fantasy guy, my entire world view has tilted, and I’ve had no time to analyze any of it. But, I pick up my fork and dutifully scoop up a piece of creamy penne and put it in my mouth.
As I chew, Lukas says, “Let’s get back to this orgasm.”
The fork falls from my hand and clatters to the plate. I choke, coughing before I manage to swallow. I thought we’d dropped that ages ago. I shoot him a scowl. “Do we have to?”
His hand slips onto my thigh and calloused fingers play over my sensitive skin. “I was thinking how I’m going to do it while you strutted your way through the restaurant.”
“I do not—” I close my eyes as his hand moves higher, “strut.”
Like he doesn’t believe me at all, he chuckles. “What’d you discover in the bathroom, Abby? Because I can assure you, me and every man in the room recognized the sway of hips as you made your way back to me.”
Despite my emotional upheaval, a low throb takes up residence low in my belly. I have no idea how he does it, but the man is a genius. I breathe out. “Nothing.”
He moves higher, pulling my legs apart. The heat from my body has to be searing his hand. He glides over my skin, coming to rest at the top of my inner thigh. Torn between wanting to pull away and thrusting into his touch, I remain still as a statue.
His palm slides back down my leg. “You clearly know what you want in bed, so I’m confused about why touching yourself didn’t make you come.”
I don’t want to talk about that now. I just want to sink into the sensation of his touch on my skin. Enjoy the unfamiliar sensation of true desire weaving a path through my body. The ache I’ve never had before.
He squeezes my thigh. “What did you think about?”
“Huh?” He moves to the top of my inner thigh again. Would it be wrong to ask him to shut up so I can concentrate?
“When you masturbated, what did you think about?”
“Umm…” He strokes over my skin. Up and down. Up and down. Over and over until I feel as though I might melt into a puddle under the table.
“Abby.” The amusement in his voice is clear. “Are you distracted?”
Of course I’m distracted. I want him to touch me. “What?”
“Do you want me to touch you?”
Unable to speak, I nod.
“Tell me.”
Tell him what? I can’t remember. A low hum starts deep in my belly as he strokes over the damp flesh of my thighs. It feels…so, so good.