The rest of dinner goes by in a blur. Emilio doesn’t pay me or Kevin much more mind. Instead, he’s locked in conversation with his sister. I look around the table. All of my family is here. My brothers, my mom, dad, all my aunts and uncles and cousins. I’ve always loved Christmas.
I love being with my family, but right now, I feel like I can’t breathe. Being this close to Emilio and ignoring his presence is taking a toll on me.
“I’m just going to the restroom,” I tell Kevin.
The minute I get up, I feel Emilio’s eyes on me. I’m thankful when I get inside and he doesn’t follow. My mom, however, does. She knows me too well. “Frankie, I really don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself.”
“Doing what? Going to the bathroom?” I ask, playing dumb.
“Ignoring your feelings, sweetheart. You’re hurting yourself and you’re hurting him,” she says.
I snort. “Nothing can hurt a Lopez, Mama.”
“You’re wrong. That boy has feelings for you. A blind man would be able to see it.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him. I can’t,” I tell her.
“Why not?”
“We’re just not compatible. It takes more than lust or whatever to make a relationship last. Besides, I’m happy living my life the way I choose to and not having a man telling me what I can and can’t do every day.” I shrug.
“Is that the image of marriage I’ve given you?” Mom places a hand on her chest. “Do you see me following your father’s every order and doing his bidding?”
“No.” I shake my head. “But Emilio is bossy. He already thinks he can tell me what to do. Imagine if he knew how I felt? Imagine if he knew I really would do anything he asked me to do? I’d end up losing myself in him. I’m not doing that.”
“I think you’re wrong. You are too strong to ever lose yourself, Frankie. I really hope one day you’ll realize the mistakes and wasted time you’re creating now.”
“Maybe one day I will. But they’re my mistakes to make and my time to waste.” I lock myself in the bathroom and lean against the door.
Closing my eyes, I inhale and count to ten. When I open them again, I stare at my reflection in the mirror before turning on the tap and washing my hands.
Get it together, Frankie. You can get through one night of hanging out with Emilio without wanting to jump the man’s bones.
When I open the door, I pause. Eliana is waiting in the hallway. “He’s gone,” she says.
“Who’s gone?”
“Emilio. He just left.”
I look towards the front of the house. “Where’d he go?” I ask her.
“No idea. He made up some excuse about needing to do something for Papi, and then he left.” She shrugs. “We both know it’s because of you, though.”
“Excuse me?” I lift a challenging brow. I’ve never had an issue with Eliana. She’s three years younger than me. We’ve always gotten along well.
“It’s because he can’t stand being near you,” she says. “Whatever your hangup is with my brother, find a way to fix it.He doesn’t deserve to be hurt, and our family doesn’t need to be torn apart because of you.”
“I don’t have any hangup with your brother, Eliana.”
“Sure you don’t. Whatever it is, fix it,” she repeats. “If you ask me, he’s far too good for you anyway. He deserves someone better,” she adds before turning and walking away, leaving me staring after her.
I’m not surprised. Eliana and Emilio are close. I am surprised she thinks I’m not good enough for her brother, though. What have I ever done to her to make her hate me so much?
I’ve been a bitch to her brother. That’s what I’ve done. And that Lopez family is tight-knitted. If you hurt one, you hurt them all.
I run upstairs to my room, slam the door shut, and my eyes immediately land on my bed. On a little red box. I’ve gotten one of these boxes every year. I know they’re from Emilio, even though there’s never a card. The first one came when I was eighteen. It was half of a gold heart. Each gift since has been the same, half of a heart in some form of a charm.
I drop down on my bed and open the box. Sure enough, half a rose-gold heart charm attached to a chain stares back at me. It’s sad, but also, it means he’s still thinking about me. Not that I doubted he was with the way he watched me over dinner.