“Why don’t you have one?” Audrey asks.
“I work long shifts. I wouldn’t want to leave it home alone for so long.”
“Fair,” Audrey says, giving me a look that is supposed to mean something, but I don’t know what.
“So, a fish for his birthday?” I ask with a grin.
“We’ll talk about it when his birthday comes.”
“But that’s so far, Audrey.”
“Ifyouwant a fish, then get a fish.”
“Fine. I will.”
I sit back against the couch, laughing to myself at how engrossed Noah is. He didn’t catch onto any of the conversation we just had. We watch Bluey and talk about work while we wait for the dough. When it’s done, we finish making our pizzas, and even though JJ doesn’t like it, he sits at the table with us and eats the one he made, anyway. It’s only cheese, but he doesn’t look like he’s hating it.
Chapter 26
JJ
I haven’t been out for Halloween since I was a kid—before my parents died. If I’m not scheduled that day, usually I pick up a shift so the guys with kids can take them out, but this year, I chose to keep it off and go out with Noah and Miles—because he asked me to, and I like spending time with him.
We planned to meet at his house for six, which gives me a couple of hours to do absolutely nothing.
I stare at my phone that’s resting on the coffee table in front of me. There’s a call I need to make, but I don’t want to. I won’t pretend I’m good at difficult conversations. Throw me into a burning fire and I’ll be fine—ask me to talk about my problems and I shut down.
But this isn’t about me, and that’s what has me picking up the phone and calling my brother.
The voicemail picks up after a few rings. Maybe he’s working.
“Hey, Nash. It’s me. I wanted to talk to you about when you’re leaving and if you need help packing or whatever. Uh… just call me back when you get this and we can figure it out.”
I end the call and toss my phone onto the other end of the couch. I’ve felt like an ass since lunch, when he told me he was leaving. My reaction wasn’t great. I guess I just needed some time to process, and now that I’ve done that, I realize I was a dick. Sure, he’s probably used to that, but it doesn’t make it okay. Not when he tries so hard to be a good big brother, even though we’re adults.
I glance at the clock. Two minutes have passed since I last checked. Guess it’s the perfect time for a nap. I lie down, close my eyes, and I’m asleep within seconds.
“Look! I’m just like you!” Noah shouts when he opens the door for me. He holds his arms out wide, showing off his fireman costume.
“Whoa, that is pretty cool,” I say.
“I know! This is the best one I’ve ever had!”
Noah runs into his apartment, so I knock on the door and poke my head in.
“In here!” Miles calls from somewhere in the house. I step in and close the door.
“Where’s here?” I ask.
His head pokes out from a door to the left, and he smiles at me. I instantly relax—I didn’t realize I was tense until my shoulders loosen at the sight of him.
Hope warms my chest. It’s a strange feeling, getting like this over another person, but every time I feel something new or different with Miles, I can’t help but remember everything my brother said to me. Every flaw he pointed out about Franklin just makes more sense now. I don’t feel the need to stand up for him like I did, and it’s getting easier to deal with the fact that he doesn’t talk to me every day. I find myself filling those empty spaces with Miles rather than excuses for Franklin. I feel like little parts of me are starting to heal because of the way Miles looks at me. There’s always excitement or happiness on his face when he sees me. Not annoyance.
I’ve never considered myself attention-seeking, but is it so bad to want attention from my partner? Why is that wrong? It shouldn’t be, and I don’t know why Franklin always made me feel like it was. He was smart about it, too. Never saying it directly but doing it just the same. And when I’d bring it up, he’d turn it around on me. It’s what I was used to, what I’ve always dealt with. Between him and my father… well, I don’t want to go down that road tonight.
I head into the kitchen and watch Miles as he prepares something on the stove, this strange tingling feeling in my chest.
Miles doesn’t make me feel like I’m an inconvenience or a bother. When I’m around, I feel wanted… like he really wants me here and maybe misses me when I’m gone.