“Sorry, Uncle Miles.”
While Noah is thrilled to be at the fire station again, I’m nervous.
It’s been a little while since I’ve seen JJ. That last time was at the diner, when he got that phone call and his entire demeanor changed. Though, we have talked every night for the last fewnights, it’s not the same. He calls late, and I’m not usually a late-night guy, but I enjoy it. When the house is quiet, and I’m sleepy… I like listening to his voice. I like getting to know him. He seems to let more of himself through when the sun is down. Though, he hasn’t dropped any bombs on me like he did on Friday.
I’m afraid that if I tell you, you won’t want to talk to me anymore.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? It’s cryptic, and maybe concerning, but really, it shows me he cares and maybe he just doesn’t know how to show it. Maybe JJ doesn’t know anything but hookups. Maybe he doesn’t know how to be in a relationship. And I’m not saying that’s what this is, because we never talked about that, but it would explain why he runs. Why he panics, when he thinks things are getting serious, even though they’re not. Him staying at my house doesn’t mean he has to move in. It just means he slept over. That really is the end of it. I wish he understood that.
I don’t really know what to say about it, but it seems letting him come to me is what works. He’s like a scared animal who wants affection but doesn’t know how to handle it. I’ve given up on my plan to straight out ask him what is going on with us and just go with it. Casual is fine. It isn’t hurting me to get to know him like this. In fact, maybe it’ll benefit me. Jumping into a relationship in the past has never worked. So maybe that’s the key. Or maybe JJ and I will never amount to anything, and we’re just meant to cross paths. Why put a label on it? Let’s just see how things go and see where we end up. It could be good for both of us.
The door to the building is pushed open, and JJ walks out.
“Mr. JJ!” Noah shouts, tugging on my arm to move faster. I let go of his hand, knowing there’s nowhere he can run and get hurt. He leaps at JJ.
“Noah!” I say, reaching out my hand like I’m going to stop him, but there’s no way.
JJ is ready and lifts him up, hugging him back while Noah wraps around him like a monkey.
This is the exact reason why Audrey doesn’t want to date. Am I making a mistake in introducing Noah to JJ? I can’t imagine it’ll hurt him. We come here to see him, but other guys in the firehouse are getting to know Noah, too. If for some reason JJ and I stop talking, I think we could still come by to visit. There’s no way I’m getting out of these trips with Noah now.
“Hey, bud,” JJ says with a genuine smile.
Kids do have the ability to make you smile even when you don’t want to. It’s one of my favorite things about being a teacher. One of those little secrets I don’t tell everyone because it sounds cheesy. But it’s true.
All the trucks are in the bay this time, and Noah is shouting about “playing pool with the guys,” so we head right upstairs.
I recognize a few guys from last time that I say hi to. There are some new people, including a woman, that I am introduced to. Everyone is busy doing something, so we head right over to the table.
“But are you sure we can see the truck after?” Noah asks when he picks up the stick.
“Of course we can,” JJ says. “So, what do you think? Me and you, against Uncle Miles?”
“Whoa, that’s not fair,” I say, holding my hands up. “I suck at this game.”
“Okay… me against you and Noah, then.”
“Yeah!” Noah shouts. “I wanna be on Uncle Miles’ team.”
I groan. “Hope you don’t want to win.”
“Come on, Uncle Miles. Let’s play! You can break.”
I shake my head and grab a stick with a sigh. JJ is smiling at me.
“Already imagining me making a fool of myself?” I ask as he walks around me.
He stops, leaning in and lowering his voice. “Just imagining you bent over the table, actually.”
My cheeks heat as he continues on, pulling out the balls and putting them into the rack. I stare at his hands, large and rough, and imagine those fingers inside me. We only slept together that one time, but I’ve thought about it many more times than I probably should have. I still can’t tell if that’s what he wants out of this, but like I said… I’m going with the flow. What happens, happens. No need to jump ahead and demand answers. I can totally be casual.
“I’m so much better at this when I’m drunk,” I mutter ten minutes later when JJ has two balls left to get in and Noah and I haven’t gotten any in—besides the eight ball, which means we alreadytechnicallylost, but JJ just pulled it out and said he’ll give us another chance.
“Yeah? Is that an invite to a bar?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.
“Uh… right now?” I look around.
He laughs. “No, Miles. Not right now.”