“I can’t. My only role is finding her a home.”
Carter stares at me, his eyes filled with profound sadness.
“You would be a wonderful parent. We will support whatever you choose, but are you sure this is what you want?”
Knox, always the voice of reason, gets up and kneels in front of me.
“Maybe we can give it a little time. I would hate for you to rush into a decision and regret it. Bones and Reaper have said their wives will keep her as long as we need. This is not something you have to decide today.”
Killian has been quiet, and I can tell he’s feeling something about this, even though he hasn’t said a word. I shift the baby in my arms as she falls asleep.
“What are your thoughts about this?”
Killian stays silent for several minutes before he speaks.
“I think your family has convinced you that you’re a terrible person without value. It’s Jedediah’s voice in your head telling you you aren’t good enough. I’m not saying you should keep her, that’s up to you. But the reason shouldn’t be that you wouldn’t be a good mom because that’s a fucking lie. I agree with Knox. Think about it so you don’t have regrets.”
I sigh softly as I hold my niece to my chest.
“I will. I promise. But I don’t think I’m ready.”
I didn’t grow up normally. It’s probably going to take years for me to be okay. I’ve got a lot of healing to do and it feels unfair to drag a child through that. Especially her. She’s the first girl in our family that won’t be abused. I want amazing things for her. She deserves someone that can give all of themselves to her and I’m not sure I can be that person. Wanting to be what somebody needs and being what somebody needs are two very different things.
Chapter Twenty-Six
CARTER
Bella takes the baby from Heather and declares it's time to go swimming after she puts her to bed.
“Wanna see something, Carter?”
She doesn’t give me a chance to answer, but it would’ve been a resounding yes.
She pulls her shirt off and then lowers her shorts to the ground. I know she’s showing me the branding that I can no longer see, but I’m nearly salivating at her gorgeous body in the bikini Kill bought her.
Wrapping my arm around her waist I pull her to me.
“I told you, Little Heathen. Seeing the mark on your body—it bothered me because it bothered you. It never changed my desire for you. If it makes you more secure covering it, then I'm glad you can. There is nothing anyone could ever do to make me not want you. You’re gorgeous without it, but what that fucker did doesn’t change a goddamn thing between us. If you cover it up, temporarily or permanently, you do it for yourself. No one else. Understood?”
She sighs softly as she presses her face against my chest.
“Yes.”
Tilting her head back, her eyes connect with mine as she runs her fingers through my hair.
“Thank you.”
“For?”
Her lips pull up into a soft smile, and my heart pounds in my chest.
“For being you. I don’t know how I’d get through this without you.”
I kiss her on the forehead and release her reluctantly.
“We better get out there before they form a search party.”
“Her father is hiding. Benji doesn’t have a clue where he is.” Bones says, and it’s not exactly news.