The kitchen went dead silent. I let the silence hang for a second, then dropped the final blow gently.
“You’re not just missing Kyrin’s life, Ma; you’re missing mine too. I don’t want to need you anymore, but I do… and that’s the part that hurts most,” I hated to confess.
Vanessa’s shoulders dropped a little, the fight leaking out of her. “Look… I know I haven’t been perfect,” she admitted, rubbing her temples. “But I’m going to do better. I have to.”
I studied her face, trying to see if those were just more words floating around the kitchen.
“If not for Kyrin, then do it for yourself,” I said.
She frowned slightly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you can’t pour into nobody if you’re empty. You can’t show up for him—or me—if you keep running from your own life. You gotta get good for yourself first. Heal whatever it is you keep trying to drink away, because this version of you is not the one we need.”
Vanessa didn’t respond right away. For a second, she actually looked… tired.
“Well,” she exhaled, “I’m exhausted, so I’m going to go take me a nap.”
Of course.
I crossed my arms. “Kyrin has an appointment at one o’clock. I’m sure he’d want you there… the doctor too.”
Vanessa waved her hand as if it had already been handled. “I remember. Just wake me up around eleven.”
I stared at her, and she caught the doubt all over my face.
“I’m serious about doing better, Ajori,” she insisted, her tone a little firmer. “We’ll start fresh today. I’ll show you.”
Then she reached over, grabbed a piece of bacon straight from the plate, and started walking down the hall.
In my head, the same thought replayed itself.
She ain’t coming.
Not because she didn’t mean it in that moment, but because she rarely did.
There had been times I had to lie just to get her in the car.
Doctor’s appointment? Nah.
So I’d tell a little lie and say I wanted to take her to a brunch, a pop-up shop, or somewhere with mimosas, then once we were already driving, I’d change the destination, because that was the only way Kyrin’smamaever showed up. But whether Vanessa showed up or not, Ialwaysmade sure I did.
“Kyrin, come eat!” I called down the hallway.
When eleven o’clock struck, I was standing outside Vanessa’s bedroom door.
I knocked once.
Nothing.
I pushed the door open and stepped inside.
“Ma,” I called softly.
She didn’t move. She was still lying across the bed exactly how she had dropped onto it earlier with one arm hanging off the side, and her breathing heavy.
“Ma,” I tried again, a little louder.
Still nothing.