“How the fuck was I supposed to know that? I’ve never even been in a relationship before. and here I am trying to figure out a marriage.” I blow out a gust of breath. “It’s something in the past. I never thought it would be a big deal that she didn’t know.”
“Wolf…” Forest starts, his crinkled brow and gentle tone likely because he’s trying to tread lightly. “Did you never mention it because you’re a little…embarrassed?”
I let out a scoff, immediately followed by a bitter chuckle. “Now why in the fuck would I be embarrassed? Because on our first day back to school after the accident, I had a panic attack on the bus when we drove down Skyview? That I zoned out and hyperventilated to the point Hawk and Vanessa thought I was experiencing some kind of demon possession in front of the whole class, and you and Uncle Bert had to be called to come get me? Never mind that you had to drive me to school from that point on. Why would any of that be embarrassing?”
I’m frustrated, and bitterly cynical with more emotion than I’ve let myself experience in one sitting in a very long time. I drain what’s left of the little whiskey in my glass, and slam the glass down hard on the table.
Not sure how to feel about my little outburst, I avert my eyes from everyone else at the table. I let them all look between each other awkwardly as I rub at the back of my neck, not caring one iota if they’re all telepathically communicating about having me committed.
Finally, the first voice I hear is Uncle Bert’s, and it’s a surprisingly compassionate tone. “You don’t need to tell her allthat, Wolf, and I don’t think she would want you to if it would make you feel like this. I think she just wants to know something about it and not feel so clueless.”
The way he phrases it actually resonates deep in my chest, and I find myself softly nodding. He’s right, Molly wouldn’t want me to feel pain exposing myself. All she’s ever wanted is enough to get to know me. And that exchange with Vanessa must’ve pointed out exactly how little of that I’ve given her. And now, I get to see what it’s like to not have things go my way for once. I’m seeing what it’s like on the other side, when the person who means everything to you won’t talk to you.
I press my lips together, hating that I have to ask this question. I despise feeling vulnerable. “What do I do?”
“Go home and have it out,” Bert states simply.
Dana gives a small eye roll before leaning in. “You go home and make it right by giving her what you haven’t been giving her. You talk it out with her. She’s a good person, and she’s not going to let something like this ruin what you have. So give her the time she asked for and then give her your words,” she says gently. Then she adds, “And for God’s sake, suck it up, pull up your big boy pants, and tell her how you fucking feel.” She practically barks the last word before snatching her dish towel back up and standing. Conversation over.
Dusk is settlingover the land as I drive home. Molly will for sure be back by now. As much as she loves this place, there’s no way she’ll stay out and about after dark on her own. Hopefully she’s settled herself enough to be ready to talk to me because I’m ready to talk—really talk— to her. I could say I’m willing to putmyself through some discomfort to make things right with her, but with each minute that drags on, the less uncomfortable it seems when I look at the grand scheme of things. More and more it’s looking like nary a price to pay for things to be good between us.
When I pull up to the house, her truck is still in the driveway, which is good; that means she didn’t take my absence as an opportunity to run off and avoid me. But a foreboding feeling settles over me when I get a look at the windows. It’s not completely dark yet, but she normally has a couple lights turned on by now. As I exit my truck, I tighten the harness on my anxiety, refusing to worry until I know for sure there’s something to worry about. It could be that she’s out back by the barn, cleaning her catch.
But when the front door swings open, I know immediately—just by the thickness of the air and the quiet of house—that she has not come back. And no matter what’s going on between us, she would have come back by now. I know that much. Even if she’s still upset and not ready to talk to me, she would have come home and just ignored me in the kitchen while baking her ass off.
Something’s happened… I know it… Fuck!
I march straight through the house, my brain switching into emergency mode. Stopping by my docking station for my radio, I snatch it up and flip the switch on it while heading straight to the garage for the safe. I get it cracked open as I wait for the radio signal to come through and grab my Glock as well as Molly’s.
Hustling back in the house, I do a thorough sweep for Molly on both floors, calling out her name before conceding that I’m right, that something has gone sideways. The crazy inspections and the broken fence… They materialize into a dark and cold vapor invading the space deep in my sternum, and I fight it, trying to stay focused and set the radio to the exact person’schannel I want. I depress the PTT button and speak as I grab my tactical flashlight. “Owens Two, come in this is Owens Three, over,” I call into the radio as I march straight for the back slider door. There’s no answer, but I have to get him. I can try on my cell phone, but that’s about to lose reception in the next few minutes. I repeat my call into the radio, staying formal as I reach the trail head. When I make a few more strides with no answer, I start to lose my shit and press the button again. “Hawk! Pick the fuck up, now!” I belt into it as I hustle along, sweeping the beam of my light ahead of me.
This is my asshole twin’s last chance to pick up before I try Forest, but I need Hawk. I know the last thing he’ll want to do is help me find my wife, but he’s a ruthless son of a bitch who gives no fucks. Driven and mission-oriented, he doesn’t care what rules he breaks or who he pisses off when there’s an end result to be achieved, and that’s what I need.
Finally, a few beats after my last plea, my radio crackles. “Wolf… What in the fuck is going on?” Hawk sounds demanding but a trace of concern sparks in his tone. The radio clicks off without him saying over, and I immediately abandon protocol as well.
“Molly’s gone,” I simply state, and I’m waiting for him to signal back with some petty quip about what took her so long to leave me.
Instead he signals back: “How long?” Scrambling sounds on his end before the radio cuts out. He’s already off his ass and in work mode.
I close my eyes, letting out a shallow breath before answering, “Hour and change.”
“Where am I starting?”
“Make your way from the southwest edge of the reservation and close in on the Garnet,” I instruct him.
“Copy that.” His radio cuts out before tuning back in. “Wolf…we’ll find her. You hear me?”
I press the button and pause, taking a breath as my legs keep barreling me forward. “Thanks,” I answer.
As the small thicket of woods opens to the quarry where the Garnet branches out into various streams, my anxiety rises. I scan where the old rowboat sits, but no one is near it. Pressing the button on my radio I add, “Hawk…alert the rest of the guys and the sheriff’s office…and pleasehurry.”
32
MOLLY
I’m not sure how long it’s been as I’ve been doing my best not to take out my phone, but easily thirty to forty minutes have gone by. Not a single tug on my line, and I’ve been blowing off steam by vigorously skipping rocks for a little while now. Trying to evacuate my mind of all troubling thoughts, I make an effort to focus solely on what my senses can pick up. The sound of the trees, the occasional call of a stellar jay, my foot crunching on the dirt and gravel beneath me. I need to mellow out, or all the unanswered questions of what I am to Wolf and where our relationship is going are going to plague me to the point of insanity.
The thoughts invade anyway.