“I am not going to say this again, so please make sure you’re listening. Youwillmarry Brenden McGrath. You will not make a scene. You will not scream, or cry, or do anything to embarrass me or this family, do you understand? You will do your duty like your sister?—“
“But Annie’s been engaged for over a year now! And you haven’t forced her to walk down the aisle!”
I regret it the second the words escape. I know they sound childish and silly, at least from his perspective, and I’m fully aware of how he’s going to react. Only I can’t help myself, which is the problem. Words bubble up from my mouth and spill outlike water from an underground well, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them. Story of my life.
Papa’s expression darkens. “You are not Annie,” he says and repeats it a second time, emphasizing each word. “You. Are. Not. Annie.”
“I know, but?—“
“You will do as you are told, Talin. Do you know how many times your sister has tried to beg her way out of her arrangement? Can you guess whether she’s made my life difficult or easy? If you can’t find a way to live with your new reality, there will be consequences. I love you, darling youngest, but do not mistake that for weakness. You know what will happen if you step out of line.”
My hands shake as I worry them together. I nod grimly, looking at my shoes.Count to ten and keep it together. One, two, three…But that barely helps. My cheeks are red with anger and shame, and I feel the walls of the room shifting closer, trying to constrict me. Our house is big and beautiful, it’s in a wonderful neighborhood, I’ve been given the best education and allowed access to some of the most exclusive parties in all of Baltimore, but none of that matters.
Not when it feels like the rugs are going to wrap around my throat and suffocate me at any moment.
Papa lifts his paper and returns to reading. I spin on my heel and get the heck out of there before I can make my situation even worse.
I hurry to the kitchen. My head’s pulsing already and I need coffee. I get a mug and fill it, and only notice Annie when she plops herself on the counter beside me, socked feet kicking.
“Well? How’d that go?”
I try to ignore her. “Good morning to you too.”
“Did he yell at you?”
“I’m hungry. Do we have any English muffins left?”
“I bet he threatened to do something terrible. Big, scary Papa and his horrific punishments.” Annie waggles her eyebrows, grinning, and I want to slap her across the face. She thinks our father’s temper is some big joke because he never turns it on her. But if she were the one shoved on a bed as his belt cracked across her shoulder blades enough to leave bloody welts?—
Coffee spills and burns my hand. I curse, put the mug down, and clean up the spill. “I’m fine,” I say, straightening with as much dignity as I can muster. “Everything’s fine, okay?”
Annie gets off the counter and touches my shoulder. “Hey, Tallie, I’m sorry. Really, I’m not being nice. I’m sorry.”
I wring a towel miserably and breathe through my nose. “He’s not going to change his mind.”
“No, he’s not. Believe me, I tried.”
I look up in surprise. “Really? He said you didn’t.”
She snorts and hugs me tightly. “Then he lied. The night I found out, I cried and begged him to change his mind. I said horrible things about Leon and I hadn’t even met him yet. In the end though, I got past it.”
“How?” I feel like the word is a curse, a deep black well with no bottom at all, no water to sink me, no ground to stop my fall. I don’t want the answer, but I also need something to hold on to, no matter how much I’ll hate it.
“I realized it won’t change. No matter what I did, Papa wouldn’t budge an inch. You know how he is.” She pulls back, holding my shoulders. “This is what we are, right? Sam, Davit, Gor, Hov, all our brothers are trapped in their own ways, like we are.”
“Miriam and Tate got away.”
“Tate’s miserable working some dead end job to keep her lights on and Miriam’s pumping out little brats for that loser doctor she married. Neither can ever come home, you know that. It’s not an option for us.”
I suck in a breath, trying to steady myself. I know she’s right. I hated Tate so much when she ran off. I didn’t mind Miriam so much, mostly because she’s a lot older and we weren’t close, but when Tate ditched the family it was like someone broke my arm and left it dangling by a thread of skin. I can’t imagine doing that to Annie, to Sam, especially not to poor, sensitive Davit.
Which leaves me where?
Trapped, like always.
“Morning, sisters.” Sam strides into the kitchen, throws open the fridge, and grabs the milk. He takes two chugs straight from the carton.
“Don’t be disgusting, Sam.” Annie snatches it from him and puts it back.