He stills, his hands still on my hips. Our heavy breathing seems too loud in the silence.
He releases me and climbs from the bed. I fall onto my side and wrap a sheet over me, keeping my eyes fixed on the wall as he disappears into the bathroom.
Suddenly, my past hits, and Josh appears like an unwanted mirage. The ache in my chest is immediate and breath taking. My eyes find our picture, the one I keep on my bedside cabinet and tears immediately spring to my eyes.
What the hell have I just done? He may as well have been in the same damn room, watching.
I lean over and slam the picture face down, just as Ray re-enters. His eyes fix on where my hand lies, and his brow creases into a frown.
Without a word, he snatches his shirt from the floor and pulls it on. He continues to dress in silence and somehow, that makes everything feel more awkward.
“Unpack your bag,” he mutters. “You’re not going anywhere.”
Relief floods me. What the hell was I thinking quitting like that anyway. I have nowhere to go and I haven’t been paid yet, so there’s no money.
He pauses for a second, his eyes fixed to the floor.
“We’ve had too much to drink,” he mutters, “We’ll draw a line under it and start a fresh tomorrow.”
Then he leaves, quietly closing the door behind him.
Anika wakes as I’m moving the hoist towards her bed. “What’s going on?” she asks, her voice croaky from sleep.
I shrug, trying to go for a casual approach. “I was thinking, maybe we could work this thing out together and get you up and in your chair?”
She gives me a wary look, and I get it, she’s scared. But I’ve been around when the agency nurses have tried to get her into it, and she’s very adamant it’s not something she wants to try. “The nurse is due any minute. She’ll be happy to help.”
“No.”
I sigh. “Have you even tried?”
She allows them to use the hoist so they can bathe her, so I’m pretty certain it’s the wheelchair she’s refusing.
“Of course I have,” she spits and I’m taken back by her tone. She’s always so calm and kind.
“I’m no expert, but it can’t be good staring at these four walls day in, day out.”
“I like these walls.”
“And imagine how excited Sebastian would be to come home on Friday and see you in the living room?”
I see her eyes flick towards the bedroom door.
“I’ll be here every step of the way. And, if you really hate it, you can get straight back in bed. But try it, please, for me.”
She sighs heavily. “Fine. But I’m not happy.”
I grin, “I never asked you to be.”
The nurse arrives right on time and I explain my idea. She jumps straight on board with enthusiasm, much to Anika’s disgust.
I watch the nurse as she fixes the hoist in place, showing me each step.
I push the chair to the bed, and the nurse begins to hoist Anika up enough for us to manoeuvre her towards the chair.
Ray steps into the room, his gaze sweeping over us as we try to manoeuvre Anika into the chair.
“What’s going on?” he asks, already tense.