The fucking word tastes sour.
Micah’s eyes close for a brief moment. “Good,” he breathes. “Heather told me she shot someone?”
I hesitate. The memory comes anyway without permission. “Yes,” I admit. The moment I realized what had happened…I wanted to cry. She’s not a violent person. It’s against her very nature. She was so scared, but chose to go against everything she is to save my life.
He exhales through his nose. “She’ll hate that,” he murmurs.
I scrub a hand down my face. “She’s gonna hate a lot of things when she wakes up.”
That makes him look at me again. “You blame yourself,” he says.
My silence answers too easily.
Micah shifts slightly, immediately regretting it when pain flashes across his expression, but he forces it down anyway like he refuses to let it interrupt him. “Don’t do that,” he says more firmly now. “You can’t. It will eat you alive forever.”
I let out a shaky breath. “Micah—”
“No.” His voice cuts through it. “Listen to me.”
And I do, because I have always listened to my best friend.
“No matter what happens here, you have to promise me that Alexei won’t take you.”
My brows knit in confusion. “Alexei’s dead, Micah.”
He doesn’t hesitate. “It doesn’t mean he still won’t take you, Jude.”
His words land, and suddenly, I’m crying again. Devastation and guilt and shame and rage crash into me. “I’ll never let that happen,” I manage.
Frustration flickers through his expression. It’s almost as if he doesn’t really believe me. “Promise me,” he says simply.
I swallow. “Yeah.”
Silence settles between us again after that, and I finally sit down properly, pulling another chair closer until I’m right beside him. My hands don’t stop shaking when I set them near his.
“I thought you were going to die,” I admit quietly.
A gentle smile pulls at his lips. “I’m apparently harder to kill than I look,” he mutters.
“I thought I lost her, too.” My chest tightens. “I still might.”
Micah nods faintly. “She fought so hard to get to you. When you were suffering, or killing, or even sleeping beside someone who wasn’t her…she fought. Trust me, she’ll open her eyes again.”
I glance down at my hands. “I don’t think anything will truly wash away the evil these hands have caused…” I trail off. “Micah…I don’t know how she’ll love me after this.”
He sighs, glancing briefly at Heather’s sleeping face before returning to me. “We’re all changed from this,” he whispers. “Once she wakes up, she will immediately search for you. I have no doubt in my mind that she still loves you with everything she has.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying again. “I hope you’re right, man. I’m so sorry for everything.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. Vlad’s still out there. He shot Emma and I…I couldn’t do anything.”
He takes my hand in his, and I’m startled at its warmth. “You and Heather saved Emma from bleeding out.”
I nod, unable to find words. Guilt, shame, and devastation are swirling inside my chest again so fast that I feel like I could vomit. These goddamn emotions are going to kill me before anything else.
Micah watches me for a moment longer, then lets his eyes drift heavier, exhaustion finally pulling at him again. “Jude,” he says quietly.