I’m going to ruin her, I thought desperately.I’m going to drag her down into the darkness with me, and she’ll never find her way back.But I couldn’t stop. Couldn’t let her go. Because she was the only light I had left.
I broke the kiss long enough to pull her shirt over her head, tossing it aside without care. Her bra followed. A simple white cotton thing that I fumbled with before finally getting it unhooked, and then she was bare from the waist up, her breasts full and perfect, her nipples already hard.
“God, you’re beautiful,” I breathed, my hands coming up to cup her breasts, my thumbs brushing over her nipples.
She arched into my touch, her head falling back as a soft moan escaped her lips. The sound went straight to my cock, making it pulse with need. I wanted to hear that sound again. Wanted to make her moan and gasp and scream my name. And I realized something that made my chest tighten almost painfully.
She is giving herself to me.Not because she was confused. Not because she thought I was someone else. But because shechosethis. Chose me. Knowing exactly who I was and what I had done.
The weight of that trust, that choice, nearly brought me to my knees.
I lowered my head and took one nipple into my mouth, sucking gently at first, then harder when she gasped andthreaded her fingers through my hair. I lavished attention on her breasts, alternating between sucking and licking, and biting just hard enough to make her cry out. Her hands fumbled with the button of my jeans, and I released her breast long enough to help her, shoving my jeans and boxers down my hips and kicking them off.
My cock sprang free, hard and aching, and I saw her eyes widen slightly as she took in the sight of me. I was thick, heavy, the head already glistening with pre-cum, and I watched her throat work as she swallowed. “It’s okay,” I said softly, reaching out to cup her face. “We’ll go slow.”
She nodded, but I could see the apprehension in her eyes. She had only been with me once before, at the pond, and I had been too drunk, too grief-stricken to be gentle. This time would be different. This time, I would take care of her.
I made quick work of her jeans and panties, sliding them down her legs and helping her step out of them. And then she was completely bare before me, her skin flushed, her chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. I guided her back onto the bed, following her down, settling between her thighs.
She spread her legs for me willingly, her hands reaching up to pull me closer, and I felt my heart stutter in my chest. The trust in that gesture, the vulnerability—it nearly undid me.
I braced myself on one forearm, my other hand sliding down between us to find her wet and ready. I groaned at the feel of her, slick and hot against my fingers. I stroked her gently, watching her face, watching the way her eyes fluttered closed and her lips parted.
“Look at me,” I commanded softly.
Her eyes opened, locking onto mine, and I slid one finger inside her. She gasped, her hips lifting off the bed, and I added a second finger, stretching her carefully. She was so tight, sowarm, and I could feel her inner walls clenching around my fingers.
She wants this, I reminded myself.She wants me.But the guilt was still there, gnawing at the edges of my consciousness. Julie’s face flashed through my mind. Her smile, her laugh, the way she looked at me with such complete trust.
I’m sorry, I thought desperately.I’m so sorry.
But I couldn’t stop.
“Chapman,” Hope whispered, her hips lifting toward my hand, seeking more.
“I know, baby. I’ve got you.”
I’ve got you, I repeated silently.I won’t let you fall. I won’t let anything hurt you.
Even if the thing that hurt her most was me.
I withdrew my fingers and positioned myself at her entrance, the head of my cock pressing against her slick heat. I could feel her trembling beneath me, could see the mixture of desire and nervousness in her eyes. “Breathe,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Just breathe, baby.”
And then I pushed inside.
Slowly. So slowly. Watching her face, watching for any sign of pain or discomfort. She gasped, her back arching off the bed, her hands gripping my shoulders. I moved inch by inch, feeling her body stretching to accommodate me, feeling the tight heat of her enveloping me. “Fuck,” I groaned, my forehead dropping to hers. “You feel so good.”
Too good, I thought.This feels too right.
And that terrified me. Because everything I loved, I lost. Everything I touched, I destroyed.
She whimpered, her legs wrapping around my waist, pulling me deeper. The movement drove me in to the hilt, and we both gasped at the sensation. I held still, giving her time to adjust, feeling her inner walls flutter around me.
“You okay?” I asked, my voice strained.
She nodded, her eyes locking on mine. “Don’t stop.”
Don’t stop.The same words she said at the pond. The same desperate plea. And I realized she was just as afraid as I was. Afraid of losing this. Afraid of what came next. Afraid that this moment—this connection—would be ripped away before we were ready.