I don’t know how to respond to that. I shouldn’t let him get attached to me knowing the inevitable end, no matter how optimistic Whisper wants to be, but… I like his attention. I like that he sees me as so much more than just an unhinged killer.
“We should try to get some sleep.”
Rue nods, sinking under the blankets. The TV is playing a cooking show. I go to turn it off, but Rue stops me. “Can we watch until I get sleepy?”
“Sure.”
He smiles, snuggling closer to me. I smile too, enjoying his warmth and the way his body fits perfectly against mine. He’s not a lot shorter than me, but his build is much more lithe.
“When I was a kid I wanted to be a chef,” Rue says, a dreamy tone to his voice. “Well, I wanted to be a lot of things, but I always enjoyed cooking. Then I saw how much culinary school costs and knew it would never happen.”
“What other things did you want to be?”
“A hip-hop dancer.” He laughs. “An archaeologist or a museum curator. I always liked history until I saw Indiana Jones and how many gross things he had to do.”
I chuckle at that.
“When I got older, I thought it would be cool to be a life coach for LGBTQ kids. Like a counselor, but I never got my life together enough.”
“You’re still young, Rue.”
“I know, but I have too many interests and not enough focus for any of them. School was terrible because of that, and I was the weird kid so I didn’t really have any friends.”
“I can’t imagine that. You’re so fun to be with.”
He glances at me. “Thank you.”
I study his face for a moment. “If you could do anything now, what would it be?”
Rue watches the TV for a few moments before turning back to me. “I don’t know. I’ve been in survival mode for so long that I don’t dream anymore.”
“Try. Not right now, but you’re safe here, and you don’t have to leave anytime soon. So dream, Rue. Your whole life is waiting for you.”
A sweet smile blooms on his face, all his sadness falling away. “You can’t offer a guy a safe place to dream and say you’re a bad guy at the same time. The logic falls apart.”
“Fair enough.” I lean in to kiss his forehead. “You’re not stupid, Rue. You’re just inexperienced. Don’t think about constraints like money and logistics. Think about what you would do if you could. Believe in yourself.”
He nods, chewing on his bottom lip. “Tonight was fun.”
“It was for me too.”
“I want to do more. I haven’t changed my mind.”
“We’ll get there.” Brushing my thumb over his soft cheek, I consider taking my own advice.
What could we be if I didn’t think about constraints or my past? Could I be worthy of a man like him? Could I make him happy? My mood sours slightly and I push those thoughts away. I’m not cut out for relationships. I’m way past the pointof saving. He might think he sees good things in me, but he’s only known me for a few days. The longer he’s around the less enamored he’ll be. He deserves to live his life fully and not be held down by a man like me.
We’ll have our fun and I’ll help him get back on the right track, then I’ll let him go.
It’s the right thing to do.
CHAPTER 13
Rue
I wakeup before Carnage and shuffle to the bathroom for a quick pee. When I return, I stand at the side of the bed watching him sleep. He looks so peaceful right now, all his hard edges softened. I’m really starting to like him, which is probably a dumb thing to do. What could he possibly see in someone like me beyond any physical attraction?
I shake my head and crawl back into bed, tempted to cuddle in closer, but when my body brushes against his, I can feel his cock. It’s not hard, which is kind of nice. It’s warm and soft.