She chuckles, a huge, happy smile on her face. It’s infectious. “Duke, I was standing here for, at least, forty-five seconds before I said anything. Directly in front of you. You were facing me. Which part was the sneaking?”
“Hush.” I crack a smile, my lips twitching up, slightly.
“One day, I’ll get a real smile from you, Not-Cowboy.”
I consider smiling but I don’t. No reason I can identify, it just doesn’t happen as naturally for me as it does other people.
“What can I get you, sweetheart?”
“Some service, on the bar. I mean, bar service.”
She winks. Stands in my bar, propositions me, andwinks. I can’t form a thought; my mouth opens slightly. Before I can get it together, she giggles and says, “My usual, Grumpy.”
I pause. I have served her exactly one drink. What was it? I turn around, perusing the wall before remembering. Pulling down the Walton’s, I turn and, again, she was clearly checking me out. I smile to myself while I pour her drink.
Three whiskeys later, she’s a little unsteady on her feet. She stands, her legs a little wobbly, and asks where the bathroom is. I direct her toward the door behind the counter, where I have a single bathroom, clean, not used by the customers. Sadie deserves a safe, clean bathroom when she works.
After a few minutes, she hasn’t returned so I wander back to find her seated at my desk, looking at the pictures I have displayed.
I clear my throat; this time I’ve caught her off-guard. She looks sheepish as she makes eye contact with me. She’s holding a picture of Indie, Cash, and myself from Christmas two years ago. She looks a little sad but also wistful.
“Your life is so…authentic. You fit so perfectly here. I never fit where I was. It always felt like I was being forced to fit somewhere that was too tight.” She’s sad again.Tell me how to fix it, Sunshine. “She’s so pretty.” She drags the word out until it feels a mile long.
“Who?” I ask, perplexed.
“Indie,”she says with an inflection I can’t identify. Jealousy maybe?
“How do you know Indie?” I’m not sure what she knows or what she wants from me.
“She came to see Lizzie. I met her. God, she’s gorgeous.”
I shrug. I guess she’s not wrong. I always felt like I had won a prize when I had Indie on my arm. Until the end, when it felt like a punishment.
“You don’t have to lie, Duke. You were married to a supermodel, and here I am thinking I have a chance.”
Shock runs through me at her words. That she wants us to have a chance and that she is insecure, comparing herself to Indie.
“I don’t know what to say here, sweetheart. She’s my ex. I can’t change it. But don’t compare yourself to her. You’re you. And youaresomething special.”
“I need to go. Bye, Duke.” She stands, walking out of the back, through the bar and out the front door. I chase after her into the parking lot. Thankfully, it seems like she walked over.
“Wait, Caroline. Wait.”
She turns to me, tears in her eyes and I’m thrown back to that night last New Year’s.
“Duke, I can’t do this anymore.” Tears run down her cheeks.
“Indie, I don’t know what you want from me. I have given you everything I can.”
“It isn’t enough. I had dreams. I’m stuck in this small town, with a small-town guy, who just wants to run a bar and it’s suffocating me.” Her retreating figure, her shoulders shaking, the pine smell of the Christmas tree that still fills the windows. I fall apart.
“Don’t go.”
Seeing Caroline running from me breaks me a little.
“Caroline, I can’t change the past. I don’t want you to be upset about things I can’t control. Why can’t we focus on now?”
“Sometimes, you get it, Duke, like really get it. And sometimes, you don’t.” Turning, she walks away, leaving me standing alone.