Look for the light that leads me home.
Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Breaking Benjamin~Failure
Chapter Fifteen
Noah
Solemnly I sit alone,
Preparing my heart for the fall it is about to take.
And then I begin.
I write the sensitive words I long for you to hear,
The gentle tears I cry for you at night.
The seldom times I see your perfect face,
I capture the moment and place it in my heart.
The words you speak echo through my mind,
As I try to free myself of this pain.
The smile you bring the minute you enter the room,
The heartache you bring the minute you enter the room…
The scent you leave after storming off,
Drifts away with you into the crisp night air.
Alone!
I stood, watching you leave,
My heart fell and shattered at your feet.
Had you been strong enough to take it with you-
Now I can never love again
I set the notebook down and want to puke. I know, know what night she wrote this. It was the night she was leaving to go to Cass and Shames and I ripped her apart for it.
The notebook was full of little lymricks and sonnets. There were journal entries and more bleeding heartache than anything I thought she could summon.
I feel a strong sense of perversion for wanting him, but forgive me this degradation. I humiliate myself for the trespass I want…
Here she is talking about me, taking me, or wanting to, knowing I was devoted to Candey. This book is full of them and I know why she always had it now. I had thought she was taking notes on me… foolish thought, but its why I read it. Figured she bailed because she couldn’t keep business separate or some shit.
All morning I ponder this shit and then read it, and I know now.
She more than wanted me. She loves me and I have ripped her apart this whole time.