But it was his voice as he sang low and deep about things some understood, and things some never could. It was loss, and depth and need and torture and all he wanted was a moment of peace.
"He's beautiful isn't he Bright?" Cassa asked, swaying to the music beside me. I couldn’t talk, just nodded and felt that beauty to my bones. I saw Cassa nod in agreement then cheer when Shamus had a heavy drum part.
Tears stung my eyes but I refused to look away, his eyes were on me and if I could support his emotion in whatever way he needed as he played an obviously personal song. Then damn it, I would.
The song came to an end and the audience went crazy as the lights went down and the guys exited to the right of the stage. It was chaos as they exited and headed to the left side of the stage and Cassa grabbed my arm forcing me to follow. I didn't know there were fans waiting back stage just behind us until I saw them. Now I knew why all of them had a guard with them individually, but also two in the front and two in the back. Even crazier Carrie, Cassa and myself were escorted by some pretty enormous scary looking guys.
Once we made it to the left entrance, one of the guards came up and took my shoulders in hands and started pushing me to the back hallway. "Come on honey. Your kind wait back behind the gate until the boys are done. Noah and some roadies are your only options, if they don't float your boat you know where the exit is."
I didn't say anything at first because I thought maybe my not being a wife or fiancé of one of the guys that maybe their area was guarded differently, but I learned real quick he thought I was a fangirl and offended didn't begin to cover it. "Look I'm not some cheap girl looking for a good time meathead! I am an employee of the band!" I tried to show my pass but he refused to listen.
"Okay sweet cheeks I'll be sure to let them know you were offended. What's your name so I make sure I get your story straight for the cops?"
Oh this fucking dude was a dick. "Know what asshat? I will leave and I'll let Noah and Tayla know that Brutus the big bald prick treated me like a whore and forced me to leave!"
He nodded unfazed by my threat. "Sounds good darlin, thanks for stopping by… shit, name again doll? It escaped me."
I saw the security police making their way over to us and the last thing I wanted to do was cause a scene so I gathered my pride off the floor and hauled ass out the back of the venue where Noah's bus was parked and prayed I wouldn’t get fired.
Noah
I couldn’t find Bright anywhere. I saw her when I played The Fray, but lost her after I left the stage right to enter on the left. From there it’s a blur though. We rushed the stage in the dark when we did our encore of Binge. Now that the stadium is emptying out we are all looking for her.
"She was right behind me Noah, I pulled her with me when security guided us to the left." Cassa looked guilty and terrified that she hadn't kept Bright safe.
"Hey, look at me sweetheart." I say and place my hand gently on her shoulder. "She could have got lost on the way to the bathroom or she's maybe in the green room. Worse case she knows where the bus is babe so it'll be okay, alright? She's an adult."
She nods and Shame pulls her in for a hug trying to reassure her. Cass had been struggling the last couple of weeks after my meltdown over her ongoing treatment of Jen so I knew her effort with Bright was amplified.
Tay came around the corner and shook her head no. She wasn't in the green room. By the time she got to me she told me that security had checked the premises and found her at the bus.
"Well okay, good." I say, but it irritates me and I don't know why. She is my sponsor, supposed to be glued to my ass for the next three months. I'm pretty sure she knows I like her even if I want to fuck her, and this was the first time meeting us and seeing us live.
Yeah, I'm more than pissed off.
I go with the guys to do our duty and greet the fans in the green room. This part I normally love. I usually can get a fun party girl to come back with me, a little harder now that I'm sober with a babysitter on board. Tay assured me that security would be tight on anyone not on the list to get back on the bus.
When I thought of it like that I felt dirty. Making sure that any piece of ass I brought home would meet the standards for a junkies one night stand.
It was after two in the morning by the time I made it back to the bus, seeing Bright sitting there on the steps with a notebook, dressed in yoga pants and a tank top looking like every sinful fantasy come to life.
"Hey." She says and stands from the metal steps. All of my anger dissipated the minute I saw her swollen red eyes.
"Shame, bro we are good." I say and he pats me on the back before giving Bright a hug simply because he knew something twisted her up, and he did wonders with twisted.
"What's up?" I ask and hold the door for her to walk through. Seeing Stu on the couch reading a tattoo magazine I asked him to have a smoke and give us a few minutes.
I grab a beer from the fridge and the Vodka from the shelf. I pour us both a shot and slide hers to her where she is sitting at the bar top, and place mine in front of me where I am leaning back against the stove. "What's up girl?"
I see her face scrunch up and her eyes shut as tears fall, and whatever has her hurt this bad I swear to God I will do my best to fix it. I go to her side and pull her against me and rub down her arms in a soothing gesture that always calmed my sister. "Whatever it is we can fix it or get through it. I have been to hell and back and so I am pretty damn sure I won't let you drift off there on your own."
"There's some serious role reversal here. I thought I was supposed to be the strong one?"
"I don't put stock in strength girl. It's a word people use to boast themselves up when they feel weak. Strength is weighed by quiet moments when there is nothing left. I have more weak moments than I know what to do with, but when I am strongest is when I let accept the burden and ask for help. Even if I fuckin' hate it." My mind travels over the last year, since waking up in a nightmare and a new world all at once and if it wasn't for my people carrying my burdens I would have never come back from the ledge, I'd have jumped and faded like ether.
"You know I'm a sex addict right?" She sounds so gentle and scared and hopeful all at once, and if I am honest I wasn't expecting that. Like at all.
"I do, and to quote you, I only want to help where I can."