Xander sighed and dropped his head, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment. He rubbed his beard agitatedly. Then he shook his head. And without looking at me again, he turned to leave.
I was getting so sick of the sight of the back of his head, his broad shoulders and tapered waist and perfect, sculpted butt—walking away from me.
“I’ll hate you more if you leave, though,” I said, in barely more than a whisper.
He stopped. Obviously, he’d heard me. He glanced back at me as I hugged myself.
I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t.
He just left.
Chapter Eleven
Xander
Two days later, I wasn’t doing so fucking well.
My plan to stay the fuck away from Courteney had morphed into a twisted fantasy of being her first.
I tried to keep going about the motions of daily life, but the whole time… I wasn’t reallythere.
So I got my ass on a plane and left the fucking country. And flew to Lisbon with Dean.
Maybe that was a panic move, but I just couldn’t stand the fucking routine anymore. Gym. Drums. Friends. Fucking lying in bed in Cary’s poolhouse trying not to wonder what his little sister was doing in her room at night.
Avoiding her.
I hadn’t seen Cary again since our little talk by the pool anyway. He’d been “working” and zero-percent interested in hanging with me. I still hadn’t managed to sweet talk my way into the studio again to check on him.
I needed a fucking break or something before I cracked.
Or before I fucked Courteney Clarke.
I hadn’t fucked anyone, messed around with anyone,touchedanyone in way too fucking long.
Other thanher, the other night, when she fucking kissed me…
I like you.
This shit was not healthy.
I knew that.
I knew I risked my friendship with Cary, to put it mildly, by touching her. At best, I risked my friendship with my very best friend.
As if that wasn’t bad enough.
Worse, I risked fucking Cary up. The guy just hadn’t been the same since losing Gabe the way we all did, and I had no idea what it would do to him if I put my hands on his little sister.
His little cupcake.
Even if she wanted it…
And the worst part? I was starting to believe maybe she actually did want it.
I’m a virgin.
Yeah, that might’ve been hot… if it wasn’t so fucked-upbecauseit was so hot.