This shit had to be said.
“What do you want her to do, lock herself behind a door like you do?”
No answer. I couldn’t hear anything from inside his bedroom, but I knew he could hear me. This door wasn’t soundproofed.
“What is it? You think I’m gonna hurt her or something? I’mnotgonna hurt her.”
Nothing.
I sighed.
“I just… I want to take care of her.”
Silence.
I drew a deep breath and just said it.
“I love her.”
Half of me expected the door to fly open, an enraged Cary ready to punch my lights out.
The other half of me knew what to expect. Nothing. Which was exactly what I got.
“Someone was gonna fall in love with her,” I said. “Why can’t it be me?”
Cary gave me no answer.
I stepped back from the door and took a breath.
And why the fuck couldn’t it be me?
Did he really think I wasn’t good enough for her? That I wouldn’t treat her right?
Really?
As I stood there, alone, outside his door, like I had so many fucking times in the past four years, I started to get mad. Like really fucking angry.
For the first time, I actually let myselffeelall the anger I had toward him, for locking himself away from everyone—including Courteney. Including me.
What the fuck was I doing here anyway?
Begging for his acceptance? His forgiveness? His permission?
Why the hell did I need to ask his permission to be happy, just because he chose to be unhappy?
“You know what? Fuck you, Cary.”
I stood there for another minute or so, just in case he actually decided to open the door and face me.
He didn’t.
So I went out back to the poolhouse and grabbed some fresh clothes for Courteney. I packed them into her suitcase, and I went home.
* * *
When I walked in my door, Courteney was waiting for me. She was sitting on my couch, texting or something on her phone, but she set it aside as soon as I walked in and got to her feet.
I put her suitcase down and took off my shoes, still trying to figure out what the fuck I was gonna tell her.