“Courteney…” His voice softened. “Shit.” He gave a heavy sigh and rubbed his hand over his beard. “Christ, I didn’t realize that. I never meant for you to see… that…” He glanced at the bed behind me, where he’d probably enjoyed many, many conquests.
Fortunately for me, I really hadn’t seen that many. After the first time I got an eyeful, I learned to close my curtains. Mostly.
“Of course you didn’t realize it,” I said. “Because you didn’tcare. You never cared about me.”
I reached to pick up my suitcase, but he stopped me, his hand on my wrist.
“Don’t say that.” His voice was all low and soft, the way it was that night at the hotel… when he took my virginity. When he was so… tender with me. “That is not true, Court.”
I pulled from his grasp, glaring at him.
“It’s totally true.” I started counting on my fingers as I spoke. “You care about fucking, drumming, working out, clothes… Holy shit, there’s a lot of them, aren’t there? And nowhere have Ieverbeen on that list of Xander Rush’s favorite things.”
“That’s fucking bullshit. I care about you. I’ve always cared about you.”
“Right.”
“I just made sure that adudewon that auction so I wouldn’t have to go to dinner with some woman and you’d get upset. So don’t tell me I don’t care about you. Because it’s definitely not on my bucket list to go on a date with a guy, okay?”
Okay. That surprised me.
“Wait. You’re going on a date with a guy?”
He sighed. “It’s not a real date.”
I considered that. I was there, at the club tonight. I felt the vibe in the room when Xander walked onstage. And I heard the people talking at the tables around me. “Um. Does he know it’s not a real date?”
“I’m pretty sure he does.”
I raised an eyebrow at him.
He swiped a hand over his beard again. “Fuck.”
A smile crept over my face, and I swallowed a laugh.
He scowled at me. “This funny to you?”
“Kind of.” I snorted a little, then gave up on trying to hold it in and laughed for real. “Yes. It’s very fucking funny.”
“Great. Glad this is entertaining for you.”
“It really is.”
He shook his head. “What the fuck,” he said, softly. “What the fuck am I gonna do with you?”
I stopped laughing.
“I don’t even knowhowto do the right thing anymore,” he said, almost to himself. “I’m fucking trying here.”
I swallowed. “I’m sorry. I’m being a bitch.” I hugged myself, and I didn’t mean to, but it kinda hiked my boobs up. He glanced down automatically, checking me out, and his eyes darkened. “This isn’t really your fault, Xander.”
He met my eyes again. “You don’t need to move out, Court.”
“I can’t live here with you,” I told him, honestly.
He inched closer to me, so there was barely a breath of space left between us. “I thought I was supposed to leave you alone. I tried to. You wouldn’t speak to me. And I wasn’t gonna chase you down and pressure you to keep fucking me. I figured if you didn’t want to keep having sex on my terms, I should just leave you alone.”
“I don’t want your stupid terms,” I told him, because I had nothing left to lose at this point. “Your terms are bullshit. I wantyou.”