“So, that’s really all it is for you?” She pulled on a T-shirt and glared at me. “Sex? You just fuck me and walk away?”
I stood there, looking at her. I was fully dressed, and I could’ve walked out. But I didn’t. I figured at this point she deserved more than that.
She’d made her point about that last night when she walked out on me and my hard dick.
“Like, when you get that feeling…” she pressed, stepping into a pair of shorts, “that incredible intense feeling of coming with me… you don’t feelanythingelse?”
“Like you said,” I told her evenly, “I’m a pig.”
She stared at me, and I just held my breath. Then she grabbed her laptop and walked out of the room, leaving me there.
And I knew… I was gonna rot in hell for that one. I’d lied to her pretty face. Saw the light fucking die in her eyes when I did it.
I kept pretending not to feel anything… Nothing more than skin-deep pleasure when she spread her legs for me. And that had to be some kind of a sin, because it was definitely one hell of a lie.
Shit, yes, I felt things with her.
I felt all kinds of shit I wasn’t used to feeling.
And maybe wasn’t equipped to feel, or something?
Because it was scaring the shit out of me.
There was nothing wrong with sex for the sake of sex, right? I’d been having sex that way for years.
I didn’t want or need more.
But if that was true…
What the hell was with all these fucking feelings?
And why did it bother me so damn much whenevershewalked out onme?
* * *
For the rest of the week, Courteney was nowhere to be seen. She was avoiding me again. Not talking to me.
Not fucking me either, unfortunately, since we were never in the same goddamn room.
I called her, messaged her.
Nothing.
Apparently, she had nothing to say to me.
Maybe I’d finally convinced her how wrong I was for her.
Maybe she was just pissed at me.
If I was lucky… maybe she’d get over being pissed. Keep fucking me, but keep her mouth shut about it.
I kept telling myself that was what I wanted.
And I kept trying to tamp down my fucking feelings about it. Abouther.
But that was becoming a losing battle, just like avoiding having sex with her had.
Eventually… I was going to fucking fail.