“I’m trying really hard not to say the wrong thing,” Rome said.
“Are you twelve?”
Rome rolled his eyes. “Continue.”
“As I was going to say, there’s a but”—Hudson’s eyes flicked to Rome like he was daring him to say something—“and it’s that Beckett signed up for this.”
“Uh oh,” Rome said. “I think big bro has a point, even if it might be the first and last valid one he’s ever made.”
“For God’s sake.” Hudson closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Hey, I’m adding to your thought here.”
“Add to itbetter.”
“Fine. Is there a chance—like a small, miniscule chance—thatmaybepart of this is good?”
I swallowed thickly. “Definegood.”
“Well…he’s not an escort, for one.”
“Okay…?”
“The lie is shit. No denying that. But have we missed the part where this guy wasn’t being paid to like you? Where he metyou by accident and still came with you and dealt with all of us and let me call him Tracksuit for a week?” When I just stared at him, he held his hands up. “I’m just saying, that part’s kind of important too.”
Hudson nodded, though he looked reluctant to agree with anything Rome said. “Beckett could’ve just walked away. He should’ve told you. Immediately. He’s not off the hook for that, but if he wasn’t being paid then everything he did was a choice.”
“A choice to”—Rome let out an exaggerated cough—“be with you.”
I blinked. There it was. The thing I hadn’t wanted to touch yet.
Beckett had lied…but he’d also stayed. Both things were true.
And I had no idea what to do with that.
My mind raced as Hudson clapped me on the shoulder and went back to steaming his shirt, while Rome brought us all whiskey shots from the bar cart to “take the edge off.”
A few minutes later, Hudson came over with my tux shirt and held it out. “Put this on.”
I stared at it.
“Arms go in the sleeves.”
“I know how shirts work.”
“Good. Prove it.”
I sighed and stood, removing my shirt to put that one on. I could see my reflection in the full-length mirror, and it was strange seeing the man staring back. I looked a little pale, eyes a little red even though I hadn’t actually let any tears fall, but other than that…I seemed outwardly okay. Maybe. I could go out there and stand with my brothers and watch my parents promise forever all over again without anyone thinking I looked too tragic.
But Beckett would know.
“I…” I swallowed. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to see him. At the ceremony. Like nothing happened.”
Hudson came to stand beside me, meeting my eyes in the mirror as he straightened his cuffs. “You don’t have to act like nothing happened.”
“Yes, I do. It’s Mom and Mama’s day.”
“So be present for them. That doesn’t mean pretending you’re fine.”