If I have any chance of winning my girl back, I need to put her and César first. They have to be my primary focus. Not Pack positions. I shouldn’t have pieces of a life she can’t be a part of. I need to be sensible. Get a real job, like a human would. Take care of them. And I can’t do that and chase my dreams at the same time. I’ve had nothing but time to think about this. It has to be this way.
“Just packing up some junk,” I say.
He considers me for a moment, and I try to ignore the way his stare makes me feel. Like I’m a problem he can’t quite figure out. My brother is good at that, puzzling things together, assessing a situation and then responding in the manner he thinks is necessary. I blame it on his wolf. He’s always been like this, even at a young age. He sees too much that others don’t, his wolf always peeling back the layers of whatever is in front of him.
“I never thought I’d hear you say anything Pack related was junk,” he muses.
“We all have to grow up at some point, right? Isn’t that why you came back home?” I don’t need to look at him to know my words hit their mark.
“Do you love her?”
I take a deep breath and ignore the need to snap at him. Isn’t it obvious? If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be this much of a fucking wreck. I wouldn’t be packing up all my shit. Closing the door on all the things that matter most to me. And I sure as hell wouldn’t be taking a fucking druid’s advice. “Yeah, man. I do.”
“Do you love her more than you love being angry with her?”
“What the hell does that mean?” I’m not angry with her. Not anymore. I mean, I was, sure. But I get it now. I understand her damage, or at least I think I do.
“It’s a yes or no question,” he says.
“I’m not angry,” I say with a huff.
He shakes his head. “Yeah, bro, you are. You’ve been angry for a few weeks now and all I see is you getting angrier by the day. Your wolf is upset too. You’re not in sync—”
“Nah, man. You don’t know—”
He raises a hand and starts ticking off the reasons he believes I’m angry. “You’re mad she isn’t giving you a chance. You’re mad she’s made opinions about you that you don’t think are true. You’re mad she’s got your boy most of the time while you get visitation. You’re mad—”
My blood boils over. “I’m not fucking mad,” I snarl. He raises a brow and I exhale a harsh breath. “I don’t enjoy being angry with her. I don’t want to be pissed off at the girl I care about.” The girl I fucking love. But he’s right, I am. I’m so fucking angry, even as I’m miserable without her. Even as I convince myself that Jae has the right of it, that she’s damaged too and I have to fight for her, but dammit, I want her to fucking fight for me too.
“Do you want to be angry at her for forcing you to sacrifice your dreams, too? Do you want to grow old resenting your mate?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah, man, it is. If you give up on becoming a sentinel, you’re going to resent that girl. You might get her back, but it’ll only be temporary. You’ll sabotage it. Your wolf will sabotage it. Trust me. I know.”
“Then what the hell do you suggest, huh?” How else do I show her that I’m in it for the long haul? I’ve been sitting here for hours and this is the best I’ve come up with. If Roberto is saying it isn’t good enough, then fuck me, because I don’t know what is.
He looks at me like he’s trying to explain physics to a toddler. I wait.
“Let the anger go. It’s that simple.”
I scowl. “I did. I am. I—”
“The past doesn’t matter. The fact you didn’t know about César for however many months, does not matter.” I open my mouth to argue. We’ve moved past that, but he doesn’t give me the chance. “The fact that she got upset and broke things off with you doesn’t matter.” I bite down on the inside of my cheek until I taste blood. “All that matters is whether or not you want to be with that girl bad enough to work for it.” He watches me for a beat. “Whether or not you want to put in the work to raise your son as a unit and not a broken family. To put your Pack, not the Southwest Pack, but the you, Jo, and César Pack, above all others.”
I clench my jaw and look away. “You already know I will. I’m going to figure this out. I’m going to talk to her. Or try to. I don’t want my kid growing up in a broken home like we did.” I want him safe and secure in the knowledge that he is loved. That he’s safe. Always.
He nods and waits until I meet his gaze again, his wolf reflected back in his eyes. “Then you gotta let the anger go. You’re hurt. I get it. But your hurt is making you angry and that shit will turn to bitterness in a heartbeat. You can’t fix what’s broken with you two if you’re still broken on your own. Trust me, I would know.” I almost ask how, but can tell by the look on his face that whatever it is he’s angry about, it isn’t something he’s ready to talk about.
“You want to go storm over there and win back your girl, I see it in your face, but that isn’t your best move right now.”
“Then what is?”
“I cleaned out Dad’s room and moved my stuff in there so my old room next to yours is empty now,” he says, seemingly out of nowhere.
I frown. “Uh. Okay. Cool.” I have no idea why he’s telling me this. What does that have anything to do with what we were just talking about? Is he worried I’ll give a fuck that he’s claiming the bigger room? Not like I plan—
My brother smacks me upside the head and scowls at me.